think things

blogger is back to normal. i can finally post photos! YAY! haha.

well. emo momo here.
things are going faster than it should and i have no confidence to pull it thru promos. there are still 2 more months to go and at this rate. i am going to >.< but there again, we promised to roll into honour rolls tgt. haha. well. tonight, you could say, is the accelerated night. many things happened. in, and out of our control. thou they are minor things, i could feel that it is changing. but i dont want anything to change! i like the way it is now. the ambiguous way that everyone starts guessing and even myself! i tend to guess alot about the things gone right/wrong, things that i should have or should not have done. and it seems to me that i cant judge anymore. piority is definitely studies but can i study without that pressence? i probably cant.
when things dont change, i want it to change. sometimes even without knowing what i wanted it to be. and when things change, expectedly or unexpectedly, im afraid of that change. i dont know if i really wanted that change to even happen at all in the first place! i find it so ironic that im feeling this way. it shouldnt be right?
i like to feel protected and loved (who doesnt) but there again. i cant lose this battle. i have to win, and win it victoriously. i know that battle against the big P is all i want to do right now. but things are getting in my way. no. i should say. things are aiding my way to winning this battle but i just dont know how to handle it well enough yet.

i still need to grow. well yeah. grow. like a cactus.