you can cover up for urself. but time will reveal everything.

i have alot alot of things to say. but i guess they are too many alr. i cant tell anymore. i dunwan to blog bout how i feel towards someone whom i can never accept her again. i may talk to her. i may be in the same clique as her. but i know that im not going to treat her like the way i used to before. she broke everything. or maybe i broke everything. or everything was broken. things will never be the same anymore. i've come to realise that if i were to turn tables now.. not only things will become worse.. relationships will become worse.. we will all be affected during the exams. and i dun want that to happen to anyone.

but i still have to warn. if you know you're wrong and feels regretful for it. den dun bitch bout everything you can behind us. this is the last bad statement im gonna say. if everything has to be laid out so straight, theres no point to stay in he clique anymore.

anw today went back to zhss and zps. alot of memries came back to me. photos will be up another day. and.. i felt really good after ranting to kj about the friendship crisis that im facing. and you know.. it really feels so much better! although so much has happened between me and kj (sorry bout the friendlys time! really sorry!) i think she still knows me the most.. she understands the things i say without having me say everything. and i really like that feeling. when i felt there was sth wrong btw friends.. i stand back and look. its not like i never. and i'll give in unconditionally to make up for wad i've done wrong to make the other angry. NOTE: UNCONDITIONALLY! if one really treasures the friendship, THIS WOULD NOT BE THE WAY TO HANDLE IT. okay i cant control myself. she's (not kj) really pissing me off. tyvm for everyone's advice. but i guess, i'll never accept her again. i miss secondary school days where i am the problem and i can control eveything.
i wanna go back to where i came from too. but i'll step back. cos i wanto see you all smile. endurance in not enough for her. absolutely NOT. its unconditionally acceptance for the benefits of others. but once again, if you are to show that you dun care and all for one last time and hurt anyone else in the clique, dun blame me for giving you a peice of mind. plus. i got warn alr. dun say i bully you. cos i've accepted all the past things that you did. and now.. the ball is in your court. its up to you in how you wanna play it. right or not?

you guys mean everything to me. rynaclarissajasminedaniel

we have to get closer

jasmine and her face, but she blehed it away. LOL. i think i look nicer la. haha. like finally..


i love the way we seem so similar. i love the way we bitch bout our ex. i love the way we bitch about our ex! haha.
love you babe!


waffle gang!


went to frolicks with waffle gang ytd. daniel shall officially be included in waffle gang! haha
well. i just realised that everyone has their deepest secrets where we want to keep from others.. but most often it comes out to others when they really need help.. and when they are at their wits end. well. this is so to me. and yeah.. i know who.

and before that.. i went to watch orientation 2 video on youtube. i really...
i dunno how to explain. we shouldnt be like that. we should be sticking tgt! i really feel very bad. thinking of how it used to be when it was just the starting of the year, how it was like when we were still so closed.. right now at this moment.. i feel so bad looking at a photo without her. i dunno how long this has to end. but i know as more time passes.. she's going to feel more and more left out.. and i dun like that feeling at all. i'd rather so much that person to be me.. to be left alone..

times when we went bonkers bout our eye candies. times when we consoled each other about our poor results. times when we were so close..
i really miss those days.. i wish i could have them back.. you guys mean so much to me. waffle gang really mean so much to me.

i wanto be with you ill the end of time.. i love you.

you just made me cry for you again

number 1: i duneed to reply you.
number 2: you are not with me anymore.
number 3: i dun think you would miss me.
number 4: im not studying actually so dun act like you know everything.

you never fail to make me cry for you again and again. even up till now. after we have broken up for 4 months. i merely wanted to talk to you. but you treated me this way. when i said i missed you.i mean it and i dun ask for any returns. up till now.. i'll still think if you now and then. i'll still cry when i speak of you to my friends. even though i've moved on.. you're still within me. thouh i've moved on.. it does not mean that i have to forget you.. it doesnt mean that i have to forget the significance of the number 23. im hurt. crying. here. once again. cos of you.

i thought that now that we are over. you cant hurt me. but you still did. i said you changed. you said i caused you to change. you said you didnt really care. but i do. and that you still matter alot to me. not because of who you are.. but what you've gone through with me. i'll never forget. you are the one who taught me how to live. but now.. you're crashing me.

number 1: i will never cry for you again.
number 2: i will always rmb you asmy caring ex bf
number 3: i will never br tgt with you again.
number 4: yzh just died. he will forever live in my heart.

you love to put me into emotional wreakage.
"even if it mattered to me, it wouldnt have mattered much to you anyway." yes. i've gotten over you.but it does not mean that you are totally out of my head. bits and pieces of memories will never be erased. the kind of memories etched on me will be carried with me all my life. no matter where i go and what i do. and you still matter to me. alot.

this love. so much hurt. so much pain. loved you before. miss you always. never to love you again.
~ciaos

this is a confession. a slight one i guess

this incident has been very traumatising for me. well girls.. i have no idea how to put this to you. and.. its really wierd. i guess once my wordpress.com is done.. everything will be revealed to you all. i hope your opinion of me doesnt really change that much. i know its a stupid thin that i have done. but please.. i've really regretted it and felt stupid about it.. everything has came slowly to an end alr. it has been such a traumatic thing for me to go through. now thats its all over.. i no longer feel hurt. but it really takes alot of courage to own up to such stuff. i hope you'll still love me like you al used to. im confused. like always and i dunno what i can do.. im falling sick so easily nowadays.. i hate it. and yeah. i guess.. till then, you'll see the true me.

tennis girls still rock the most

PRAE, PUI YOONG. SHARIFAH, MACADIA, DEANNA, YUNROU, YING HUA, SHIREENA, KAIJIA, CHERLYN, SHARON, CHIN FERN€

THE 12 OF US. NOT ANYONE LESS NOT ANYONE ELSE. WE ARE THE TEAM. NYJC GIRLS 2008!

thats me in my beloved tennis courts!

kj and cher! the ever laughing twins! stay pretty girls!

COACH ALVIN! forever so cute and funny!

rmb dun wake up late and fetch your wife to work hor! HAHA!

ying hua! i think you should stop twisting your ankles! OLD WOMAN! haha.

thats my super duper 'childish captain!' oops! haha

my fav bitch! i think you've been the best ard! thou sometime you really very bitchy and you call my slut when i call you bitch! you know i love you always! haha! stay pretty babe! muacks!

we'll be playing tgt in the coming friendlys. must jiayou okay. have more confidence ya. we will trash them! haha!

now i know when they say.. guys are whenever, friends are forever.

I LOVE YOU TENNIS GIRLS. NTH RULES LIKE YOU DO!

I REALLY DUNNO HOW TO FEEL NOW..

anws this few days have been hell and all and i know its going to continue being hell.
i'll be having match with MI on wed and the worse this is that there will not be training tmr cos of the freaking holiday!
ive seriously got a very bad feeling bout it.
anyway went to eat sakura with coussies and zp and brian. PHOTOS PEEPS!

this is the super duper cute and super duper pretty me that is super popular!

zuopeng (the star to be) meimei (forever acting cute) mummy ( naggy) brian (bestiest bitch forever!) haha. look like family photo can! haha. how i wish meimei stops acting cute. HAHA. im the photographer! so pro right!

oh my tian. they look so super duper uber gay la!

peixian jie, zuopeng and minghan kor and me!

coussies forever!

once again i look retarded. LOL. HAHA!

and this is my mum playing pool for the first tim in her life. HAHA!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE

there were so many things recently that i did not do or wadsoever becos of what has happened at home..

• i havent gone for saturday self training for a very long time..
• i have yet to go for night study with ANYONE! my life is like so sad.
• i didnt go to the band concert last night cos i was fighting with mummy. and i really did not want to! it has been some time where i went out decently with my friends in home clothes! or at least not after school. i think my life is really screwed. i cant go where ever i wanna. only 10% of my request would be approved by them anyway. i dunno how to survive this man. IM 17! YOU CANT CONTROL ME ANYMORE!
• supposed to go study this morning and watch fireworks with yj. cos he asked me to go with him. im like damn happy. but damn! here i am. blogging. god knows why im still stuck at home. im sorry >.<

im stuck in this bloody place where ppl call me selfish when they themselves are the ones who want to selfishly keep me for themselves. they just cant accept that their daughter has grown and no longer will be willing to stick to them anymore. i need MY life! this sucks right to the core.

and currently. yj is not replying my msg >.<

no amt of pool can chill me out right now. who ever that talks to me now will just get attitude by me. thats why i choose to appear offline. I WANT TO FLY! but my legs are chained. shit la. 17 al still kena chained. damn it. im seriously so angry. or.. im just angry cos the other person is yj this time and he matters so much to me. wadever.

anw im stuck here and thats the truth. YJ! sorry la. dun go find other ppl go with you kay. *im keeping my fingers cross. i'd rather you study alone at home! haha! so selfish of me right. hais. i got a very strong feeling that he is alr now out there with some other ppl doing wad should be done with me.. i hope my feeling is wronfg for once.. and.. maybe cos he cant find anyone to go with him thats why he came to me. and now that i cant go with him he finds someone else. im feeling so damned. i can imagine myself looking at the spectecular fireworks tgt with him and all. but now.. fuck.

kay. im going to emo at one corner alr.. fuck the national day parade la.

i just hope that when im looking at fireworks from the tv.. you're looking at the same one too.. and please tel me that when you were looking at the fireworks.. you were thinking of me..

im sorry. i'll see a meteor shower with you next time..

ex: "move on.. i keep telling myself that." yes. i do not know if you are refering to me.. but if you are and you happen to read this post. pls move on.. thou i'll miss you and all the memories.. when the goodbye is said.. we cant turn back. MOVE ON.. i know you can..

you are different

although i keep telling myself that you are different and all..

there is stil a selfish part of me that wants to keep you with me.

is it just me or wad.

no matter wad other guys do to me..

it can never be compared. no matter how other guys sweet talk to me.. i'll never be as happy as receiving a random sms from you. is this called the special someone....?

but i dunwan. i want you to be back to where you belong to and where you are the happiest..

im feeling very confused now. i have no idea wad im saying or doing or wadsoeever.

inside my head i only know i want you..

okay. im thinking too much again..

fly baby.. fly away and never turn back..
loves.....

OH MY TIAN!

i think we all look like shit in this photo. esp me and wz. we are like in the middle of our pose and there. this unglam photo is taken. omtian.

i really look so retarded. but luckily nth was taken during my screwed up solos. i'll just scream cry dig a hole and hide inside for good. HAHA! but it was really fun. and i hope im still as low profile as ever. im ordinary anyway.

i went to see the school website after a very long time and i found these pictures! (actually its only 2) OMG!!

i think its so throw face. but nvm. ENJOY LAUGHING. HAHA!

now i know.. where you really belong to

when i saw him in that uniform from the picture from his blog..
when i saw that smile that i've never seen before on that photo..

i knew that he really didnt belong here.
he wasnt meant to be here..
and this is not where he should be.

i realised that i was wrong..
i was wrong to convince him that he should make do with what he have now..
he should go back to where he came from and lead the life that suited him the most..
this is not your life..
i know this very very well now..
i hope you get thru this fast and return to where you came from.

it hurts to do so but i know you will be so much happier there
and i only want you to be happy.

i know there is nth i can do to help you get back to where you supposed to be..

bu all i can do now for you is..
never to convice you that you belong here anymore

loved you once and always,
bestfriends.

haha. this is so cute

We don't care if you talk to other guys.
We don't care if you're friends with other guys.
But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room
and you jump up and tackle him without even introducing us,
yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there.
We don't care if a guy calls you,
but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till he morning.
Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/ stunning,
we freaking mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong.
We'll stop trying to convince you.
The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don't be mad when we hold the door open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T 'FEEL BAD'
We enjoy doing it. It's expected.
Smile and say 'thank you.'
Kiss us when no one's watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking,
we'll be more impressed.
You don't have to get dressed up for us.
If we're going out with you in the first place,
you don't have to feel the
need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are.
Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's.
Or my t-shirt and boxers, not all dolled up.
Don't take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing.
See the beauty in it.
Don't get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your bible.
Don't talk about how hott Morris Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of us.
It's boring, and we don't care.
You have girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word 'handsome'/'beautiful'. I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with '
Hey handsome!' i
nstead of 'Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy'
or whatever else you can think of.
On the other hand im not sayin i wouldn't like it either.
Girls: I cannot stress this enough:
IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE.> DITCH HIS SORRY DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION ASS, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel.
Someone who will stop what theyre doing just to look you in the eyes....and say 'i love you'
..........AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT! *****
Give the nice guys a chance***** >
Holdin Hands-
> Girls : If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple of times.
> Guys : Grab it if it happens more than once.
> Cuddling-
> Girls : When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold.
> Guys : Automatically move closer to her.
> Movies-
> Girls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder
> Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
> Loving each other-
> Guys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... And mean it.
> Laying below the stars-
> Girls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat
> Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers.
Now make a wish about something you would like to happen Between you and your crush....
> guys: no grabbing!!!

well i think this is so so true. haha
have fun with it! nights.

WE'RE SO VERY OVER

i think i've gotten over you.
im moving on..
to someone whom i think really treats me very very well.. i really really feel so protected with him. and i know.. he will be a better boyfriend than you.
thank you for all the memories.

we're so over. and ive gotten over you