os⋅te⋅o⋅po⋅ro⋅sis

iwanttodance!

someone ask me go out with them please? someone ask me go dance lehh. its killing me. i feel like dancing. mass dance also can. HAHA! i need to start moving before i really get osteoporosis. played tennis that day during pe lessons and you know wad! my bones almost shattered due to all the backhands. so pleaseeeeee. i need to dance. desperately.

i cant seem to get myself to study. im so caught up with my warped/crazy/unsettling emotions. i need to chill. but the weather sucks. i wanna go facial again. im so boreddddddddddd! im going to die soon. okay. random.

dance please? :)

i want to learn this dance. its so freaking nice! someone teach me please.. jolin will be my new dance idol! her moves are so sharp and to the point. i also want..

like you said.. i cant choose. so wads the point! ARGH!

had LTC pre-camp today! was happy cos my group members are not bad after all! i had a fun time today. at first jodi and daphne thought i was a facil! cos i was wearing class t-shirt and apparently i had dyed hair :( my pe shirt washing and my hair has been like that wad. not my fault okayzz. dangzx. haha. sat beside me was jodi, the odac vice pres. and she's very nice. she was the first to talk to me! daphne too! judo cap. i hope she dont knee pop me! :D den there were other ppl that i alr knew. liwei, daniel and jian fan :) other than that.. were all new friends! YAY! and i met nic too! but too bad he's in another group. how i wished he was my facil. i wont be feeling so out of place than :( i literally jumped out of my seat when they introduced him as facils. im in weasley! and he's in hagrid (i think). AHHA. but its okay. he said he'll celebrate my bday for me. so at least i felt a little better. and i can always talk to him or find in camp right? yule ball also tgt wad. dont have to be depressed. HAHAH! actually im not depressed. cos i have great members! YAY! happy today!..

im now watching some tv programme that shows the sacrificial of animals. its quite gross but very educational. good for gp :) too bad gp paper is over alr. hahha.

and i need to go mug my maths. tmr's sunday. yay! i wanna go spotlight. get more wool so that i can knit during the hols. must prepare so many presents yeah! hahha! i wanto make another one for myself also. okay. time to pack the dinner table.

bheys!

its the beginning of everything.

today gp was okay.
gena and eunice did the question on environment. daniel was like. shit. die. alvina was like. hahha. you're doomed. but i think they did okay. they always do okay anyway. i have faith.
i did the question. the rich must help the poor. and i thought i might have gone out of point. but i hope i dont. i tried to follow all the steps that mdmS told us to alr. mmhmm.

todays the last day of school for primary and secondary ppl. but its the start of real hell for me. so many things to do during the hols. and the worst thing is that, there's completely no holiday/tour this hols. when will i ever have the time to go out of town before the japan trip during chiristmas? but well.

im fully packed till idk when. im even supposed to go back to school tmr for LTC'09 pre camp. and im in weasley i think. i was in chang last year and yes. they didnt change the theme at all. its soooooo cliche. imagine the activities being yule ball, golden egg and stuff. i'll be bored to death man. luckily there are ppl that i know that ar in the same group as me. mm. daniel seoh! i was jumping for joy when i knew i was in the same group. its so scary to see all new faces you know. liwei's in my grp also. jianfan's also in my group. idk if he rmbs me. but i know he knows zs. but he's close to C. so most prob he wont have a good impression of me anyway. well. i'll take what when it comes. lol. all that is different would be the location. i've got a feeling this camp would not be as good as i thought it would be. i will die if there's no charger and my phone goes out of bat esp 4th is my bday! hate it man. im gonna celebrate my second bday consequtively in LTC. :( sad. but look on the brighter side, its a different bday afterall! and! i'll be having my chalet the weekend after that! i wanna invite all my friends! but i think must get veg food also! HAHAH!
mm. my darlings include. waffle gang and the 0836 peeps! [jasmine, ryna, clarissa, farzanah, zhen hao, daniel, yida] 0937 dears! [gena, eunce, xingyi, juliana, kaixin, sebastian, yuanjun and others!] secondary school friends! [kajia, germaine, corine, rebekah and others!] Co peeps! [cello section, ziyang, yongsiang, 09/10 exco and all!] and not forgetting. brian cheng, mr yap (yes! you are invited too!) and gang. HAHHA! i think i invited too many ppl alr. should be having bbq on the first night. but we can always have fun tgt at escape/www/pool in the afternoon!! i know we'll have so much fun tgt!

okay. but before all that, there are the midyears. there is the maths paper that i dread like crap. im so going to mug and pass my maths for the kooi kooi to see. he looks down on us being unable to do simple maths in his dictionary. but its so tough for us okay! but im so determined to pass! bless me pleaseeeeeee!

okay. im chewing on honey baked ham and it tastes so good!

bheysz!

RELIEVED.

EXCO MEETING IS FINALLY OVER!
hahaha! i kept thinking bout the agenda for the meeting for these few days. now! its over. what i have to let the exco know is alr out and om feeling so very relieved! HAHAH! its just the followup that will have to take place from now on. but im sure my exco will do their very best.
there again, im very happy that im president of this very structured CCA who has a fixed and strong structure in the sense of the committee and that i have a group of committed people :) heard eunice gena and all talking about their CCA and how they have to do everything makes me feel so blessed. :)

ate cheese waffles and kimchi cup noodle.
had meeting. was really effective i guess. other than the fact that yongsiang kept side tracking and talking nonsense. HAHAHAH! :) i know that i would be able to work so well tgt with them.

ate soyabean oppo zhonghua.
and i realised sth really incredible. mmhmm. me, yuxin, adeline, andre, haoqi & cheechiang can ake the same bus home!!! and! me yuxin andre and haoqi can alight at the same stop! SO QIAO RIGHT! HAHAHAH! so happy. OOOOH.

reached home. bathed and now, im going out to eat again.
deanna is fat. deanna is going to syco concert. deanna is going to LTC'09. deanna is random :)

YOU CAN TALK.

i just happened to browse through pictures and i saw this..

EARN YOUR RESPECT

RESPECT IS ONLY GIVEN TO THOSE WHO DESERVE IT. and for those who don't, i don't give a damn.

excuse me? take a good look at yourself before you comment on anyone else. OH! andim giving you enough respect to a person like you by using the term 'please'. in actual fact, you think you deserve it? HAHA! you know it yourself. please stop looking into the mirror and telling yourself how great you are. cos your silly and arrogant mirror won't tell you how you are being condemned by everyone else outside.
if you cant respect someone who has given you your life, i see no meaning in your life anymore. and.. for that i really pity you :(
i didnt flame anyone just as yet cos of one simple reason. the person i respect most told me not to. dont make me do it. ungrateful child.

PROLIFERATION

this is little eunice. take much notice of the adj used here :)

and this is the much referred to as retarded president of interact club president. GENA TAN LI XIN! hahhaha. swear i'll get slaughtered by her tmr. wahahhaha! AND OF COS. the unglam me as usual. my hair colour isnt really THAT obvious right? just that i cut bangs only mahh.. **tries to mak myself live in self-denial. HAHA!

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okay. i blogged today cos that persons (yes persons!) up there made me level up their knitting club status. so yeah :)

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im a happy child. at least i tried my best at the differenciation test. i managed to at least write somthing for each question. :D

mummy, you dont expect them to respect you. they dont even know how to respect their dad and and even themselves. pitiful.

GENERAL PAPER

heehee. sebby dont scold me. i just post this for fun :D

ive finally finished the GP project on my own. its like 9 slides. but with lots of content. i almost died :( i think tonight will be a sleepless night again. every night before i sleep, i'll just think thru if there are anymore things to be clarified with laoshi on tuesday and other stuff to discuss during exco meeting on wed. HAHAH. so silly right. but it just comes naturally. dont scold me okay.

this morning woke up at i think 1 plus? ate lunch (mummy bought back) and went out for lessons. thank god i brought out my scarf for lessons. stella noticed an error and fixed it for me. thanks girl! :) went to downtown east to change my chalet date. i was supposed to have a chalet for my bday on the 3,4,5th of july. but freaking LTC is once again on my bday! i almost cried when i saw the day okay. so damn suay. 18th bday you know! never mind i guess.

i'll be going plaza sing early tmr. so it means that ive to finish all the work tonight. including the much dreaded maths! JIAYOU DEANNA! hahah. i know i can do it! :)

im feeling a little hungry now. geeez.

JINGJIA IS CRAZY

mrs president. okay. thats what they call me now. but i really appreciate all the senior's help. they are so concerned that i cant cope and that i will feel too stressed. but dont worry darlings! I WILL DE SENIORS! :) i will do my best. heehee.

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today went for class and stuff. and during lit lessons, everyone went crazy! HAHAH! the school's going to refurnish the lit room luhhh! this means that they are going to take away all the furniture, cushions and all :(

mm. regarding the japan trip. it has been postponed to end of year cos of the stupid swine flu. so anyway, we are going to have a christmas party at japan. it will be cold at that time! so it will be sooooo damn cool!

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YAYNESS! but the only thing about it is that, by that time, i'll have to be in charge alr. its okay. i look forward to it still thou! :) so we'll be doing the servce learning thing this HOLs i guess. OH! and guess what! we are invited to perform at the SYF closing ceremony! other schools include HCI, TJ, DHS, NAS & NYJC!!!! US!! feel so honoured. so honoured to be the president of this OH-SO-FANTASTIC cca! :)

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and we've new members for the knitting club! :) YAY!

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:D i forgot wad else i wanted to say. i'll edit it again when i rmb again :)

i cut my fringe. like finally.

RESPONSIBILITY

"president? i am president of Gold W/Honours NY chinese orchestra?" the question that keeps floating in my mind over and over again. when everyone talked to me like they alr know what i am going to be, i should have seen this coming alr. but i didnt really think so much about it. but still, im really kept in the dark till that moment when they announced the results. okay.

thankyou for those who congratulated me. gabby, chunkiat, all the CO senoirs whom believed in me that i can do it and everyone else. but there again, taking up the post means what comes with it is more responsibility. both towards NYCO and myself. i am not just an individual anymore. i have no excuse to slack during CO practices to sit there and knit and act as if everything else is not my problem cos ultimately, its all gonna be my problems. its my responsibility and its worth it. the next hour after the announcement of the results, i was both in a state of shock and stress. but laoshi said."ni men bu yong stress, ying wei you wo." and i trust her :)

with my exco members (cheechiang, alina, rebecca, sebastian, adeline, andre, shi wee, jessica, yuxin, yongsiang) there are a few things that i want to achieve. as there would be a concert in my year, i really want NYCO to maintain the standard of GWH and not let other schools feel that we got this GWH by luck. and we must stay united like we are right now and maintain this family feeling within CO.
when i first entered CO, i told ZY. i really liked the feeling where we are like a family and we are not competitive. we are not politically driven and we all love CO. please please. we must keep this tradition going, keep the CO flame burning and keep the passion for music going. i really look forward to working with you guys to bring NYCO to higher heights. love you guys. rock on.



roles and responsibilities of a president in NYCO.
-to effectively and efficiently plan and carry out activities
-to oversee the progress of the orchestra (discipline/bonding/skills, etc)
-to brief and debrief and orchestra for every practice.
-to prepare agenda and chair exco meetings pertaining to upcoming events or new strategies to evenly distribute tasks to exco
-to represent NYCO as a figurehead
-to disseminate information from the conductor to the teachers in charge
-to disseminate information from the teachers in charge to the rest of the exco or members
-to update teachers in charge on changes or new plans (email/sms)
-to chair feedback/reflection session with exco/members after every event
-to double up as the stage/floor manager for every performance (draw seating plan, plan the sequence for the orchestra to go up/down stage)

so scary. im so scared im not able to do this.
i might not be the best in all ways but i'll always be trying my best in every other way.

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200TH SENTOSA.

this is my 200th post on this blog and i went sentosa today. hahah. thats where the title of this post came from. :)
yesterday was mummy's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! <3

woke up really early for napfa test. went down to dhoby to get materials formy shawl and picked meimei from NAFA. it rained like crap and i had to run all the way to 7-11 to get umbrella to prevent me and meimei from getting drenched like a chicken.
we went to eat at JUJU restaurant to eat after and it was really good. the food's nice and we were all very full although it was just a seven course meal. <3

meimei, mummy and me! <3

this is my biggest cousin from taiwan and her husband. :( i also want a husband. they so loving lor please.. >.<

after that, headed over to kbox to k all the way till 2 plus. reached home about 3 i think. super tired. and moreover, i woke up so early. tsk. but i guess its worth it. is it?:D

i hope you enjoyed your birthday mummy (:

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went to sentosa today. was very very tired in the morning. but i still decided to go. is not nice to slack at home. HAHAH!

im very tired to say anything alr luhh. let the pictures speak. craziness, madness, disgustingness. its always better to see it for yourself. xP hahha!

siloso beach!

underwater world.

starfish!

retard face! i know..!

this is called the seaworms. i have freaking no idea why. its so cute!

this quite gross actually if you see the real thing. the embro is actually live and very very digusting cos its like all the intestines and stuff can be seen.

this is worse! octopus. tako. GROSS!

this is pretty. really pretty :) its some leafy seahorse. LOL.

jellyfich. it reminds me of the ones in sharktale. HAHHA!

and the shark hid his head under the rocks. i wonder why.

meimei, merlion and me.

mummy, merlion and me.

jiejie, merlion and me.

...

i just got home. tired.

..

lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove is in the air. i care.

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NIGHTS.

Lets All Learn It Together!

so cute right. this enxin's group's tv!

hereby, im announcing our 2 newest members of out knitting society as well as to report the status of each member. :D

linus and sebastian ang! :)

im featuring him as he is the newest member. linus [treasurer] up till this time, he has an experience of 3 hours and exp of approximately 30 knits. he will have to practice more before being able to start on his project. current level:1 (sits in the corner)

the next member that is tentatively going to join us next would be thomas tan whom has yet to start learning as far as im concerned now.

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sebastian ang [secretary] has approximately 100 knits till now. and has 1 hour more of experience than linus, making him the second newest member of our society. he will be embarking on his new project next monday. level:3 (sits on the floor)

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other members include: stephanie [vice chairperson]- 1 day experience. level: 5 (sits on the floor with cushion), eunice [vice-president]- quite a number if experience but has stopped for a very long time. level 18 (sits on a stool). jingjia [captain]- many years of experience but stopped in the middle. level: 35 (sits on a normal chair with back rest), deanna [chairman]- 1 month of experience but has done quite a number of projects alr. level: 40 (sits on the rocking chair), kaixin [president]- crazy experience. our grandmother and founder of the society. level: 70 ( sits on the sofa).

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HAHAH! this is craziness. but if you are interested to learn to knit or alr know how to knit and want to join us, come find us okay!! HAHA! guys are allowed and its not gay for guys to know how to knit please. imagine your bf/husband knitting for you. sweetness to the max right.

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okay. i know this is damn lame. but its for fun.

but we really sat in a circle to knit today in the lit room.

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:) when you say nothing at all.

yeah. here are some overdued photos from all over the place. so yeah.

this is our board of honour.
went up to the foyer to be given the honour of getting gold with honours. from up there, we were trying to find yongsiang who retarded didnt join us on stage. but at the same time, i saw some unhappy faces.but i guess we'll all have our own aspirations. i made the wrong choice. its all my fault. but i hope you're all happy fr me that i've found what truly still suits me the most.thankyou girls.

i simply adore carebears! (to the extend that i knitted a scarf for this little one)

yeah. went tampines 1 to watch movie and yeah. i think im being a kid. im in love with soft toys.

geez.

they are the love.

i'm tired

i'm tired of telling you wad to do wad not to do.
-you do what you want to do and i wont care anymore. i think i have done enough. if you dont wanto help yourself den i wont know how to help you either. im endlessly trying to help you but i just get rejected all the time.
love is not about telling how much you love someone without the real actions. love is not about spamming i love yous to the person but instead show it in your actions. actions of love are not hugs and kisses. they are little things that show that you care for the person, you respect the person, you tries to make her few better by doing all the things that you know she wants to see in you; it maybe seeing you smile, seeing you being happy and enthusiatic about life, school and everything. it is not just about wad you say. wad you say might be impt but what you do is definitely gonna matter much more. love is not everything. it is purely a journey that leads us to more happiness. i wonder.

i'm tired of being the mother here.
-project is killing me. when you have wierd ppl going ard. im not trying to say that they are not nice ppl but the thing is. hey ppl, we need time and place to do the correct thing and have the correct attitude. like wad G said. its not being angry, we had pretty fun times too. but for today, its purely disappointing. its all gonna be over really soon. thursday final rehearsal with PK and den its the real thing on next thurs.

im tired of all the politics that are going on around me.
-classroom supposedly be the place where we make friends and learn tgt? why has it evolved into such a place where we go against each other. a place where unhappiness among each other soar. why is the devil taking control. where have all the angels gone to? i need a angel in my life.

im tired of listening to people hating each other, of me myself hating someone else.
discontentment leads to unhappiness and when others get more happiness from the source of discontentment, hatred grows. where have the love gone to? deanna. you were such a friendly person. what has the devil turned you into. my gosh.

i'm tired of giving all the time. maybe not all the time. but yeah. im empty now. everything's out and im not receiving enough to keep me going.

i dont wanna stand alone anymore. am i? the question of my existence keeps repeating. i am loved but i am dispensable. i guess that is how i am. and i cant even seem to blank out completely, even if i seriously want to. there are so many things that are going in my head even when i sleep.

how silly.

BACK TO SQUARE ONE

yeep. this is me in co uniform. zhiwen took it from the other bus. so cool right! HAHAH!

these are some of the pics of our prac the day before syf. the last day that we bonded tgt with the same faith and determination of wad we want. thou the teachers always say that the result doesnt really matter. its that we have alr put on all our effort and made it thru tgt to the last day. we didnt give up. we went on stage and gave in our best. its the best that we could do. we really shone and we told the world wad we really are. the rumours out there arent wrong. we are really GOLD WITH HONOURS! :) saw from the CO blog that next wed we'll be having our celebration and the whole co will be going up to the stage to announce our pride and joy! YAYNESS! :) hahah.

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today had interview. didnt know wad to do. so i just said my piece and how i felt about co truthfully. :) there's service tonight. i hope to find a place for myself there where i know im not judged and i can really find peace to reflect and have faith in. but im still very tired. physically and emotionally. it isnt that easy to get over some things so easily. i still feel this emptiness within me. it has always been there even things seem to be the same. even if everythings back to normal, i know it isnt. and its really bothering me. i wanna be a nun and live life in tranquility. i wonder for how long more i can keep my cool like right now before i blow up again.

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tired. cried. tried.

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family. schoolwork. chinese orchestra.

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i cant seem to find a proper picture of myself smiling naturally and happily. at least not one that im happy with myself. its bothering me quite a bit. and im wondering why.

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theres so much work to do cos we've been missing lessons due to co pracs and rehearsals. now i eed to catch up with my work. its really piling up. deanna jiayou! focus on your studies. im sure you can do it like how CO managed to get Gold With Honours!

--bye--

ITS NOT JUST GOLD; ITS HONOURS.

after 2 consecutive years of gettting gold in zhco, my dream came true when they announced. "team 6, Nanyang Junior College, Gold... With Honours". and we all burst out in flames of joy and pride. we cheered and cheered, cried and cried all the way back even to school.

on the way, many words of thanks and xin ku le were heard and said by many ppl to many ppl. this syf has not only made us better and more skillful in our instrument, it really bonded co tgt. it felt like we were a big family and everyone is equally impt. tthis family feeling will never be found in competitive ccas. really. and the fact that we really took care of each other and helped one another really touched me. and i strongly feel that it is indeed this strong bond and strong determination and goal that has brought us this far. gold with honours is no easy job. like ive told someone this before. i've no idea how we did it. but we still did it, together. how we did it doesnt matter anymore, but what we had learnt and gain from it is far more impt. for me, ive gained friendship, learntleadership skills (even thou i wasnt a leader in the first place, i still learnt. cos i believe you dont need a position to lead and to help :D )

omgg. there are so many ppl to thank. mm.
cello/bass section (thou there's only me in bass): you guys really rock my socks. although i always pick out points that you all didnt do well, you all know that i mean well okay. we did an awesome job today and im so so so proud of our section :)
laoshis/leaders: without the laoshi's and zhiwen/pohzy/weijian's encouragement, we wouldnt even have the determination to continue enduring all the crap from ding. so really thankyou for being the emotional suppot for us :) (at least for me cos everytime i receive encouraging msges, i feel so motivated)

and lastly . obviously, NYCO! N-Y-CO-- yeah! we made it! its not a dream too far as long as we dream of the same thing together. thankyou NYCO. without NYCO, i wouldnt have been able to acheive GOLD WITH HONOURS!

GOLD WITH HONOURS! love you guys man! :)

ITS TOMORROW OR NEVER

TOMORROW IS THE DAY THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
AFTER ALL THAT WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH (scoldings ans scoldings, suans by dingy) its all worth it. although we still dont know how we will do tmr, we know we have made it thru up to this point. and we all deserve credit for every effort and all that we've been thru. :)

sometimes its really frustrating to see how some people can completely ignore the fact that they are really lagging behind and pulling everyone down! its really really very sngry for me to see ppl like that still being able to hun in it. very angry. but nvm. its okay. just as long as it doesnt affect the entire co. but there again. its not fair if these ppl get the credit if we really get GOH! hahah. but its okay. we are a family.

im ranting alr. didnt had enough sleep as i was doiing lots of stuff the night before and preparing stuff. co ended late too. so yeah. HAHHA! im talking nonsense alr. okay. bye.

im beginning to love NYCO :)

distance

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASMINE.
ITS YOUR BDAY YTD AND I'LL PASS YOU YOUR PRESSIE SOON! :)

CO IS STRESSING ME LIKE CRAP. TIRED PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.
GOLD WITH HONOURS. JIAYOU!

why is it im feeling that im drifting from them. is it true that when i gain some, i must lose some? i dont wanna gain and i dont wanna lose den. cos the feeling of losing it hurts much more than getting what you never know was coming. i dont want.