i wanna be a kid forever..

ever since problems found me or i should say i found problems in my life.. i've not been feeling so happy. especially recently. where every aspect was just so screwed up.
i dunno if im the problem or things around me are just screwed up for one reason or the other. but seriously i think its just me. well. perhaps the previous time i felt true happiness was when i got my olevel results where i think i did pretty well much better than i expected.
and on the night of lantern festival itself.. i felt exactly like a kid while i was playing with those candles. as if i went back to my childhood times where i did not have problems.. where i can play all day.. whre i can do everything i want knowing that i will bewatched upon and protected. when i was younger..i wished i would grow up really fast.. now i wished i could never grow up. i wished i would forever be a kid.. protected my mummy and daddy's arms.. cos i know.. ultimately they are really the ones who would really protect me from everything..

i wish i had a time capsule.. to go back in time and stay there forever.


i laid out my heart to you.. do you hear me?


i want to walk down the road with you.. but you let me go.. like a broken kite. i fell and gets stuck among the branches..


my desire.. you hear me? im calling out to you.. you hear me?


as it slowly burns.. all the wax will melt and the heart remains intact.. although has died but will always be there. maybe not as pretty as before.. just stays there for you.. trying to beat a little for you.


he just reminds me of my pretty and confortable child hood..


korkor..


i look like a kid when playing with candles..


and sparkles..


just sitting on the floor.. doing nothing..


and just looking at the sparkles burn makes me such a happy person.. for that moment, i thought i was the happiest kid on earth.. but at the same time.. the burn... they hurt. as it burns off its last spark.. its just a normal piece of metal rod. nth more.. nth less.

look at me. wad ive become. i have no idea. think again. deanna.. who do you think you are to deserve happiness.

study. at least it doesnt hurt.

the times that we had, are never going to be back. but i just want you to know. i miss you so.. and i dun think this feeling will ever go away for as lng as i live. cos you will always be somewhere within me.. even as i move on and see the dark world.. i'll never forget the light that you brought to my life.. in the past 1 year. you taught me to live. and i did. now as you leave me.. although it has been 5 months since you left.. im crumbling. again. the feeling is back again.. stronger this time round.. i miss those arms that would hug me tight and tell me everything is gonna be alright cos you;ll be with me till the end of time...
i miss you. but again.. im moving on, to where ? i dunno. but..... im moving.

nights all.
i'd rather be love thtan to love. bye CYJ.