TILL DEATH DO US APART

everybody this is a very emo post. so beware alrights?!

i think life is so unfair. i wan wads belonged to me to be with me. is there anything wrong? is it wrong to want to hold on my loved oneds close to me? is three anything wrong? i swear!

i dunno wad to say seriously. cos there are so many things on my mind. there are so many things that are in my heart. why are there things that others always get and while i dun? does it mean that i have not put enough effort into my life? i didnt mean to do things to screw up everything. i want to be the best that i can be. but i dunno why i seem to be screwing everything up. the more i try to do something well, the more i do badly. the more i know its impt, the more i get backfired. the things i want so bad, i lose it over one night, over one incident. i fell that it is so damn unfair. WHY!? can anyone like give me an ans?

im calling out to some help you know! im not trying to attracting attention. but can i know if there is anything that is going on well for me? is there any aspect of my life that is not screwed? someone please tell me. so that i can do wadever i can just to not screw up that part? so that i can make sure that at least that small part still went right for me and i have still something to hold on to?

i rmb i used to say this to myself whenevr i feel lost and insignificant. "i will try my best to live my life until there is nth more to hold on." that is the time where i will give up hope on the things ard me and give up hope on myself. for now.. there's nth i can hold on to. im struggling but im drowning. the more i try to cover up myself and make myself seem happy, when the night falls and when im all alone like now, thoughts flow by themselves. the same alternative surfaced in my head again and again. i wanto get rid of those thoughts. but they keep coming back to me. like a night mare. i wanto wake up from this at this moment.

the hole in my heart. the edges hurt like crazy. i never know when will it ever heal. maybe it will never heal.
i want... i want... i want... so many things that i want. and they are not too much to ask. its just love and care. and i have no idea when im deprived of it. i am trying very hard. i am trying very very hard to make my life better. but its not...

i wanto leave forever. to a place where i dun have to feel hurt anymore..

"i will live till i dun find anymore reason to anymore.."
this might be the very last post that i'll be blogging. im so sick and tired of my life already. i shall stop trying to make myself look happy. i shall let myself loose and let everyone see the broken pieces of me.

goodbye my love.
till i find my direction in life again. if not den y'know wad...

i think after op. i will leave..