its either my life screwing me up or me screwing up my own life..
i have no idea wad is going on around me.
the adults are talking so much to me. telling so much that i can hardly breath. all i can do is to take it away with a smile. but i ask myself again.. for how long can o do that. its not making any sense..
so much homework lagging behind and i really have no idea wad is keeping me off pace.
i started this year right but i find myself falling now.
I CANT!
im going to chiong all i have to do now. maybe for the next 72 hours. till i collaspe.
like i always say.. there will always be a tear behind every smile i put up.
there will be tennis open ladies. and i know its gonna be a long long day. im going trudge on.. GO..
sometimes i really wanna ask aloud.. if anyone can tell me that they understand how i feel. when everyday you go home to face ppl whom you know keeps scolding you. (at least these days) and to appear dumb and stupid.. i really have no idea.. i really cant.
can i dun smile.. NO. to me, smiling is my duty. a duty which i have to fufilleach day without fail.. i have no rights to get angry, i have no rights to get upset, no rights to get jealous.. becos its just me and my life. even to YJ, listening to him rumble, calling me wadever its just my duty. even thou im willing to some extend.. it just hurts when you hear one talk good bout others all the time.. and me? right in front of you? is always neglected..
sometimes i really wanna feel how is it like to be a happier person whom calls on for anything he/she wants. i dun mind giving up everything that i have now to exchange for that. i really hate my life to some extend. i really do! sometimes i'll just stand in front of the mirror and ask myself. WHO AM I? i never managed to answer that question.
yes. this is a very emo post. but most likely also the very last post i'll blog alr.
i think i still do have the rights to rant right. i guess.
the happiest thing today was..
going home with YJ i guess..
~ciaos
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