impossible to find.

yesturday was fine.
brian cheng had his dragonboat matches. so as usual we will go down and see him race cos he said he'll win medals. he really did anyway. won sliver for tiertiary and plate gold for mixed. in another words, they obviously trashed NY which claimed to have burnt their whole weekend. HAHAHA! the conclusion as to why they could win was that RP didnt have so much to study compared. thats true! but MR500 didnt really end well. it ended with a heavy pour and not all the matches managed to finish in time. but well. good job guys! *even if NY didnt win, i could tell that they have surely improved alot. so do keep up the good work! :D

after that went to buy groceries and went home to eat bbq! YAY! it was my perfectt suggestion yupp. ate and drank like 2 cups of volka (forgetting that i have school the next day =.=) slept like pig. HAHAH!

today is a good day.
although i scared mummy out of her wits by waking up at 730 and telling her meimei had school at 740 when both of them are still sleeping. HAHA!. i rescued you okayy! mm. den i went back to sleep till ike 8? den i went school with a hangover! HAHAH! and took 2 photos with yuanjun that i concluded that ive very big eyes. HAHAH! but still, felt tired the whole day. after emoing at maths, went home. slept till like 8 den woke up den eat din din. HHAHHA! i manageed to sleep alot. thats why its called a good day.

i just realised that there's literature assignment 3 to be done on thursday. literature work load really alot luhh. its like 2 subjects instead of 1 cos there are 2 teachers teaching at the same time instead of one. so which means work also X2. so stressful. i managed to complete maths and i seriously understood every single question okayy. HAHAH! all thanks man! to the saviour. HAHHA!. there's econs test that is coming up on week 5 on demand and supply. i must own that test! thats my target luhh. but its always the other way round. but i'll just try my best and study thou. mm. oh talking about literature. im here to report my results. for assignment 1, i didnt really do very well. got like 32/50. but it has to be converted to over 30. so its like ard 19.2? the second assignment i got 17/25? its supposed to be converted to over 20. so its.. 13.2. assignment 3 has not been done yet. so 19.2+13.2=31.4/50 which is 62.8 which is like C going to be B! comeon man. lit is easy to pass hard to score. im gonna maintain this throughout man. i hope. HAHAH! happy happy. but now there's assignment 3. and peter kellet took super long to give back our test paper. he was like the first to give test but the last to return it back to us. i think he's slacking. idk. i just got a feeling. we ask him qns he just like fuyan us or sth. and thats not very encouraging. so me and gena (i hope she rmbs) are going to write an essay first den ask him to help us mark. if he dunwan den we're just gonna beg mr sequiera to help us. :D

there's co tmr at like wad 6-8? so i guess i'm going to spend the break time doing that essay. i alr finished like my econs one alr. so yeah. im gonna prepare for the gp one tmr and also richard test on wednesday. so stress. i was talking to ryna that day. and i told her, i spend maybe ard 5-6 hours each day extra to study on my own and she was like OMGGGGGGGGGG. huh. i think cos of the ideology bahh. retain alr den must make full use of the year. correct? HAHAH!. so which means im more chiong than the j2s which is a good sign for me and a very bad sign for them. im keeping up well with school work and staying slightly advanced of the others except for maths. i really cant do maths. wow. but i shall still try. im on talking terms with log and ln alr anyway. HAHA!

mummy' s out to buy macs. im going to continue researching before she comes back and distracts me with food. HAHAH!

i need to get a life soon. i cant have flowers as my best friend!

CAROL ANN DUFFY LOVES ORANGES

i've been losing sleep for no reason. came home today tired. but now, im very very awake when im supposed to sleep. i've no idea wads up with my life. i got a feeling that im chionging too much of my work that it stresses me far to much. but.. i dunno. if i dont study now, when? i gotta change the teacher's impression of me of the "not studying kid". i am determined to study and do well okay. rmb the running shoe logic? hahah! at least i do rmb it myself. but oh well, its once again for me to prove it.

things have been fine these days. im going through school life well and copping up with my work and im constantly trying to keep the lead (that retainees are supposed to have over studies). it tough, cos when everyone else has time to digress, ive to continue studying. but its okay. 4As! ive managed to convince myself that getting 4As are not really impossible after having spend 3 years in jc. have to make the extra year worthwhile you see.

i wanted to read coral ann since i cant sleep. but i cant tell wad she is trying to write in her poems! so ive to go online to check. yupp. so im here, ending up blogging and playing texas on facebook. oh anyway. i lost ard 60000 chips in 1 day and now im earning it back slowly. mm. ive got ard 28000 now? thats so pathetic but nvm. better than nth. texas has been the best companion so far i guess. it patience, strategy and somthing else. i dont know wad. well. at least i dont lose real money. its in chips and i can get 2000 free chips everyday that i log in to play. so its really alright to lose sometimes. while waiting for opponents to think and bid, ive time to think also. not just about poker, but also other things. and one thing that ive came to a conclusion is that...

i realise i shouldnt look so much into my heart. follow the mind. listen to the heart. listen, but judge from the mind and at the very end, take the decision of the mind. only by constantly doing this, will a be able to manage family, friends, chinese orchestra, studies, unreasonable teachers and peers sometimes. daddy is perhaps corret. move a step back and you'll really see more of the sky. sometimes being so stubborn gets you no where. last year, i insisted that i can study and play hard at the same time. i suffered. well. i got punished for my willfulness. i can talk to my friends more about school work other than gossips. it is still able to keep us connected. i can talk to my family with more patience and less quarrels will occur. and they'll be more understanding to my need to spend lots of time in school and on studies. i can tolerate and forgive the unreasonable to make myself happier, and lighter without the burdens of others. its all within a decision.

now as i look back. it all seemed like a dream.
and this wasnt a very bad nor very good dream so far. i loved some parts of this dream but dreaded others. but this part of life and growing up isnt it? mummy always say that im far from growing up. it think so. but im trying. i may take a longer time to realise it and to grow. but eventually i know i will. i will!

we will have to go through hard times to enjoy the fruits.
now.. i only want to do well in mid years (at least "C" in all subjects) and for CO to do well. though i only joined this year, i stil want to do well. because i put in effort and i saw the efforts that were put in from others as well. gold with honours. its a dream. but dreams do come true. and we know we deserve it.

just like how a rainbow will form after a heavy downpour and how the sky is always darkest before dawn, i know my good days are coming. i just know it.

.awaits.

nostalgic.

looking back at whythis blog started.
it wad because i miss someone and hi's departure from my world was simply too hard for me to take it alone. i never understood how impt it was till then it was to express how we really feel. now as i read all those posts, those mold memories come back. and i've no idea how to handle them.
its so hard to say goodbye. even after 1 year.

sometimes we put up walls not to keep others away, but to see who cares enough to break them down. who shall?

time and time again this happens. when ever am i able to get out of this entirely? when will i be able to leave your world completely? when will you completely leave me alone? ><>

its time to say goodbye.

with sheer determination.

to look into my future.

darling.

just look at how cute my poodle can get. he's playing with a balloon anyway. :D

dahh holls.

i was doing work almost the whole day. if was counted to be a whole day. 1 plus to 7 plus.

woke up at 9 plus slept back. 12 plus slept back and finally woke up at 1 plus. went downstairs for lunch. after that i wento embark on my work. like lit gp econs and all. wanted to mug maths but couldnt cause i need a tutor. ><>

after that i went to download some notes for richard. ive decided to make him my best friend. this is the only way i can do well for him. HAHAH! mm. i finished reading the notes and also finished reading oranges are not the only fruits. but i still have no idea why are they not the only fruits. but yah.. i dont know. i need some explanations.

for all i know. it was time to go fo tang alr. so yeah. went. bored. bored. bored.

home sweet home.