.IM.PER.FEC.TIONS.

Friday, September 19, 2008

with or without me.. the world still spins.

sorry for all the emo-ness in my blog for the past few days. maybe im too affected by things that happen and not realised how blessed i was. maybe i got suncken in too hard by all the things that i thought went wrong that i falied to realise that how many ppl really care for and love me.

firstly, i know who is 'desire!' cos i can check ip address :) anyway, thanks so much for telling how much i matter to the world. you rock. maybe if we werent childhood friends i would have fallen for you x) clarissah. thanks too. you seldom tag on blogs. but when you do, i know you really care. same to all the others. keng, you seem to not care bout me, but ultimately you still do. thankyou so much. jasmine, yesyes. we are full of choices and everything would just be alright. i was really glad that i had you to understand wad am i going thru cos you are too. i feel so blessed. really. im sure you'll be just fine as well. to one and all who read and cared for deanna, i really wanna say a truthful thankyou. i realise that i have been too caught up with myself that i failed to see the good that others are trying to do to me. i really love you guys.

work hard for the exams dears. we will all promote tgt. no one will be left behind. im sure we'll make it. no worries. lastly, im here to declare that my life will no longer be lonely. i will not emo so badly anymore. cos i know.. there are more than relationships.

anyway.. i plan to work in club/pub as live band (keybaord or double bass) for part time next year and i've got approval from mummy! haha. yeah. so anyone with the lobang must tell me arh! :)

deanna has found her goal in life. finally. tell you guys next time.
i'd rather be loved than to love. i'd rather stay in my comfort zone. and im happy and contented.
muacks.

*ps. if you're reading my blog and is hopping to see how i emo and hurt myself.. im sorry! its not going to happen at rainthatneverstops.blogspot.com anymore.

love you guys truck loads.
**back to studying :)

Thursday, September 18, 2008

this is wad ive become.

this is wad ive become. after all the pretty moments are over.. this is wad i have left. i wanna hold on. but i dun have the ability to do so anymore. forgive me please. forgive me for breaking everything.. this is for you. this heart is for you. you know im refering to you.. this is all ive left for you..

forgiveness..

ive sinned more than ive been sinned against..

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

i wanna be a kid forever..

ever since problems found me or i should say i found problems in my life.. i've not been feeling so happy. especially recently. where every aspect was just so screwed up.
i dunno if im the problem or things around me are just screwed up for one reason or the other. but seriously i think its just me. well. perhaps the previous time i felt true happiness was when i got my olevel results where i think i did pretty well much better than i expected.
and on the night of lantern festival itself.. i felt exactly like a kid while i was playing with those candles. as if i went back to my childhood times where i did not have problems.. where i can play all day.. whre i can do everything i want knowing that i will bewatched upon and protected. when i was younger..i wished i would grow up really fast.. now i wished i could never grow up. i wished i would forever be a kid.. protected my mummy and daddy's arms.. cos i know.. ultimately they are really the ones who would really protect me from everything..

i wish i had a time capsule.. to go back in time and stay there forever.

i laid out my heart to you.. do you hear me?

i want to walk down the road with you.. but you let me go.. like a broken kite. i fell and gets stuck among the branches..

my desire.. you hear me? im calling out to you.. you hear me?

as it slowly burns.. all the wax will melt and the heart remains intact.. although has died but will always be there. maybe not as pretty as before.. just stays there for you.. trying to beat a little for you.

he just reminds me of my pretty and confortable child hood..

korkor..

i look like a kid when playing with candles..

and sparkles..

just sitting on the floor.. doing nothing..

and just looking at the sparkles burn makes me such a happy person.. for that moment, i thought i was the happiest kid on earth.. but at the same time.. the burn... they hurt. as it burns off its last spark.. its just a normal piece of metal rod. nth more.. nth less.

look at me. wad ive become. i have no idea. think again. deanna.. who do you think you are to deserve happiness.

study. at least it doesnt hurt.

the times that we had, are never going to be back. but i just want you to know. i miss you so.. and i dun think this feeling will ever go away for as lng as i live. cos you will always be somewhere within me.. even as i move on and see the dark world.. i'll never forget the light that you brought to my life.. in the past 1 year. you taught me to live. and i did. now as you leave me.. although it has been 5 months since you left.. im crumbling. again. the feeling is back again.. stronger this time round.. i miss those arms that would hug me tight and tell me everything is gonna be alright cos you;ll be with me till the end of time...
i miss you. but again.. im moving on, to where ? i dunno. but..... im moving.

nights all.
i'd rather be love thtan to love. bye CYJ.

放遗憾的美丽, 停在这里..

湧上心頭哇沙米的滋味

嗆出捨不得你鹹鹹淚水

在一起的日子有笑有淚

不要問該不該對不對
湧上心頭哇沙米的滋味

故作瀟灑的我實在狼狽看

著你的眼睛我仍有感覺

淚光中沒有誰辜負誰

to so many ppl that deanna has hurt. i really wanna say sorry. sometimes i just aint myself. perhaps this is just another emo post of mine. but i guess deanna just wants to study hard now, nth else.. no more nonsense. no more bothering of other things. cos i am a big piece of problem myslf. EMO. yes. but ultimately only i know how i really feel. no one else does and no one else will ever be able to do so. deanna is sorry. repents and reflects. from now on, deanna will tone down, will push her profile down. no more a bright star, no more a shinning smile. deanna will be who she really is and be who she wants to be. she will never be the same again. nth is going to be the same for her anymore.

deanna reborn. now let me live my life..

nights.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

在一起的日子有笑有泪,不要问该不该对不对..

apparently i did not study at all today. went to watch brian cheng's dragonboat match at bedok reservior. which was .. totally like a cam-whoring session. but the sun was really beautiful when it was setting. someday we should all go over agin. and tmr.. hmm. brian will be there again for another competion. good lucks yo! never go today ler. need to study. but heart will always be with you. do your best! okok. now i think will see photo till die. ENJOY!