i wanna be a kid forever..

ever since problems found me or i should say i found problems in my life.. i've not been feeling so happy. especially recently. where every aspect was just so screwed up.
i dunno if im the problem or things around me are just screwed up for one reason or the other. but seriously i think its just me. well. perhaps the previous time i felt true happiness was when i got my olevel results where i think i did pretty well much better than i expected.
and on the night of lantern festival itself.. i felt exactly like a kid while i was playing with those candles. as if i went back to my childhood times where i did not have problems.. where i can play all day.. whre i can do everything i want knowing that i will bewatched upon and protected. when i was younger..i wished i would grow up really fast.. now i wished i could never grow up. i wished i would forever be a kid.. protected my mummy and daddy's arms.. cos i know.. ultimately they are really the ones who would really protect me from everything..

i wish i had a time capsule.. to go back in time and stay there forever.


i laid out my heart to you.. do you hear me?


i want to walk down the road with you.. but you let me go.. like a broken kite. i fell and gets stuck among the branches..


my desire.. you hear me? im calling out to you.. you hear me?


as it slowly burns.. all the wax will melt and the heart remains intact.. although has died but will always be there. maybe not as pretty as before.. just stays there for you.. trying to beat a little for you.


he just reminds me of my pretty and confortable child hood..


korkor..


i look like a kid when playing with candles..


and sparkles..


just sitting on the floor.. doing nothing..


and just looking at the sparkles burn makes me such a happy person.. for that moment, i thought i was the happiest kid on earth.. but at the same time.. the burn... they hurt. as it burns off its last spark.. its just a normal piece of metal rod. nth more.. nth less.

look at me. wad ive become. i have no idea. think again. deanna.. who do you think you are to deserve happiness.

study. at least it doesnt hurt.

the times that we had, are never going to be back. but i just want you to know. i miss you so.. and i dun think this feeling will ever go away for as lng as i live. cos you will always be somewhere within me.. even as i move on and see the dark world.. i'll never forget the light that you brought to my life.. in the past 1 year. you taught me to live. and i did. now as you leave me.. although it has been 5 months since you left.. im crumbling. again. the feeling is back again.. stronger this time round.. i miss those arms that would hug me tight and tell me everything is gonna be alright cos you;ll be with me till the end of time...
i miss you. but again.. im moving on, to where ? i dunno. but..... im moving.

nights all.
i'd rather be love thtan to love. bye CYJ.

放遗憾的美丽, 停在这里..

湧上心頭哇沙米的滋味

嗆出捨不得你鹹鹹淚水

在一起的日子有笑有淚

不要問該不該對不對
湧上心頭哇沙米的滋味

故作瀟灑的我實在狼狽看

著你的眼睛我仍有感覺

淚光中沒有誰辜負誰

to so many ppl that deanna has hurt. i really wanna say sorry. sometimes i just aint myself. perhaps this is just another emo post of mine. but i guess deanna just wants to study hard now, nth else.. no more nonsense. no more bothering of other things. cos i am a big piece of problem myslf. EMO. yes. but ultimately only i know how i really feel. no one else does and no one else will ever be able to do so. deanna is sorry. repents and reflects. from now on, deanna will tone down, will push her profile down. no more a bright star, no more a shinning smile. deanna will be who she really is and be who she wants to be. she will never be the same again. nth is going to be the same for her anymore.

deanna reborn. now let me live my life..

nights.

在一起的日子有笑有泪,不要问该不该对不对..

apparently i did not study at all today. went to watch brian cheng's dragonboat match at bedok reservior. which was .. totally like a cam-whoring session. but the sun was really beautiful when it was setting. someday we should all go over agin. and tmr.. hmm. brian will be there again for another competion. good lucks yo! never go today ler. need to study. but heart will always be with you. do your best! okok. now i think will see photo till die. ENJOY!


in height order you see >.<


super! we are going to fly and rescue the earth!

me and zuopeng! YAPYAP! :)

me and ming han :)

me and brian cheng! :)

ZP and the sea. LOL!

me and the big vast sea!

VERY ACT CUTE RIGHT? but zp say duneed act alr cute. IMAO!

heehee, so artistic by the artist deanna! :)

this is wad you get when you attempt to act shuai and fails. HAHA! oops!

emo kid, LOL!

the beautiful scenery.

makan at sakae! the effect of the mirror is so so so so so so cooooool!

seventeens plus meimei!

doesnt this look like a family photo??

thats all folks. nights peeps.

love ya :)

fairy DUST, bless me with the love i need

this is me. like right now at this moment. i have no idea wads wrong with the bloody school. theres exams and there thay want us to do the bloody PW i&r. its driving me nuts you see. i can stand it. have been chionging econs and abit of sea his during the hols and wanted to do maths today. but bloody! i&r. now im stuck. and i decided to blog instead. this is so so so so screwed up. i dunwan to retain!

talking to yj and as usual will cry. at least this time i know why i cry. but it think i wun ever cry for him anymore. cos i tell myself. wad comes will come. wad doesnt wun come. relationships are not everything and relationship problems are not worth all my attention. no matter how impt the person is to you. there are always more things to do out there in the world. i know what i want and im not going to let things like relationships hinder me. i think i love myself more. i should anyway. i do i think. i dun have to be concerned with wad others tell me cos wads most impt is myself. if i dun love myself no one will love me. right?

in the madness and craziness of studying and piled up work to do i still have the cells to think of such logical stuff. haha! im such a genius. im going back to drown myself again. like again. tsk.

flowers for all the girls; den me? you know i said long before. give me a flower and take my hand..

i dunno why but everytime i look at your photo in my phone my tear will roll.
i dunwan to miss you. but i think i am. i hope you saw the pm i wrote to you.
friends forever.
"i''ll walk the rain with you..."

nights all.
i love you. but i love myself more. deanna, i love you.

you are my sunshine; my laughter

yeah. this is me. in science centre macs. i have no idea why i like to take photos today. but yeah i really took alot of photos today.

me and the car. which one prettier sia. haha. i think the car is damn cool la. its chilli red and damn cool. i wanna but one sia. but its for the F1 race. haha. im so going to get a chilli red car man.

me and meimei cam-whoring im the toilet. the cam resolution abit bad arh. LOL

YH also came along. heehee. and she found it really wierd. HAHA! but i think YH very cute can.

me and mummy in that red red dunno wad place. at first was quite scary la but later was quite fun and cool. i realise red is damn cool. i soooooooo love red!

den i found KAYAKS! outside some water exhibition! sense of belonging sia! LTC 2008!

sth from the convo btw me and YJ on 9/9 i.25am
butterflies; i wish you knew how i feel and feel the way like i do too.. says:
well the kayak there reminds you of anything?
butterflies; i wish you knew how i feel and feel the way like i do too.. says:
it reminded me of stupid i was during LTC and all that rescue drill
butterflies; i wish you knew how i feel and feel the way like i do too.. says:
capize and everything..
butterflies; i wish you knew how i feel and feel the way like i do too.. says:
i miss those days....
butterflies; i wish you knew how i feel and feel the way like i do too.. says:
>.<
butterflies; i wish you knew how i feel and feel the way like i do too.. says:
i wanna stay there forever
Yun Jun - There's one thing I really need now. says:
i almost puked when you said the remembering kayak days
butterflies; i wish you knew how i feel and feel the way like i do too.. says:
why?

i also dunno why. he say cos it sucked. but i think it was fun cos i took a very long time to rescue him and i think he almost died pulling me up the kayak. i died while pulling him up! haha. so fun..... >.<

more pics. den we went to bugis city chain where daddy bought some watch that cost 300 plus. i dunno why. yeah. but i like the mirroor there! its sooo big can! haha. yeah.

nights loves~