dedication

i have no idea what the title of this post should be, but i think i should dedicate this to those who are reading this.. cos at least these people bother enough to at least read this blog.

my blog is nothing special just because of the simple reason that im ordinary. im just an ordinary girl whom exists on this earth for the very same reason as anyone else ard me. i might be luckier to be born in a family more well to do, in such a way that im more taken care of and that im more sheltered than others. for this, i would really want to thank my parents for giving me this wonderful, comfortable home that i know i can always rely on no matter what happens to me outside. no matter how stressed im feeling i know i can rant i can complain i can throw my temper without being judged for who am i for they alr know very well who i really am. too many wrong things that ive did against them. so many times they get so angry that they almost wanted to throw e out of the house. but here i am, still in this family. now understanding where they come from, how they love me. the point here im trying to say is that. we all need time. to realise. we all need patience. to understand. we all need to open up. to accept. we all need a heart. to feel what is real and what is not. it might not seem like that from the start. but oneday you will know you will start to realise.. things that you dont like to hear are the things in fact the most important happenings that shape you. this doesnt only happen to family. it is happening to all our surroundings.. its just the degree of importance of that person to you.. and how much you are willing to spend on that person or those people.

we live in this world as human beings and mankind that needs to interact and communicate. and dont you agree that by doing so, we are alr complicating our lives? but why are we still constantly doing so? are people ard us in particular, friends, just tools that we use, just people that we see in school everyday that we dont really bother at the very end of the day? no. we all know that. we are able to tolerate and accept people that are different because we treasure. because we care. because we are not selfish. like how my parents did, they kept me with them because i was special to them. i meant everything to them. and therefore they can accept me no matter how i screwed up their life and how i messed things up. just like friends. many times, we tend to only see us and only us in our eyes. thats what happened last year. or perhaps. my eyes really opened this year after retaining. i began to see things in a different light. is it true that we have to crasha and fall before we learn? then what are teachers for? the teach us before we fail. and even thou we still fail sometimes, we will eventually get it.

honestly. friendship problems.. ive had them too. and my wilfullness had caused me to lose my 3 dearest friends. kaijia, right? but im very thankful that they are stil willing to stay in contact with me and we are not very close, but at least still friends.. and i know that we are all constantly making the effort to make up for the times lost last time. and for that friend that i had misunderstood.. i felt so bad. at that point in time, i thought i was right about everything, i felt as thought the world was against me, everyone was ganging up against me, to bully me, to ostracise me and to keep me out of the click. and obviously, i would do anything to let them understand my point. and that includes the risk of giving them up. this is the case now for you isnt it? not just 1 but both of you. look at this.. im looking back. and i totally regret it. i chose to do what you chose. probably that is the so called sensible way to deal with things right now. 2 years down the road you will hate yourself for taking this decision. i hated myself like crap. i dont want that to happen. i regretted like shit. i dont want that to happen. i begged and wished all those hadnt happened.

i dont want that to happen to you guys as well.. you know who im dedicating this post to. im not saying who is right and who is wrong. all i want is for you guys to take a step back. stop flaming each other. it is never going to help that way. it is never going to work that way. ive been there. no matter what you've gone through i can swear upon my life that ive gone through more. stop saying no one knows how you feel because no one else will know that feeling better than i do. in any case, please, talk to me. i may not know how you're exactly feeling, but i know how it feels to be what situation you're in.

i really hope you get it. what i really want for you all to do now is probably to talk to each other. properly. show your real faces and stop all the facades. if you cant talk straight to each other's face, thins friendship has to be reconsidered. i trust you love each other. lay things out. set things right. only by doing this, the friendship will be able to last.

we complicate each other's life. but we are willing to let each other do so because we care enough. if you care enough to accept that friend, i know you will care enough to keep that friend. for the simple reason being. she's worth it.