i'm tired

i'm tired of telling you wad to do wad not to do.
-you do what you want to do and i wont care anymore. i think i have done enough. if you dont wanto help yourself den i wont know how to help you either. im endlessly trying to help you but i just get rejected all the time.
love is not about telling how much you love someone without the real actions. love is not about spamming i love yous to the person but instead show it in your actions. actions of love are not hugs and kisses. they are little things that show that you care for the person, you respect the person, you tries to make her few better by doing all the things that you know she wants to see in you; it maybe seeing you smile, seeing you being happy and enthusiatic about life, school and everything. it is not just about wad you say. wad you say might be impt but what you do is definitely gonna matter much more. love is not everything. it is purely a journey that leads us to more happiness. i wonder.

i'm tired of being the mother here.
-project is killing me. when you have wierd ppl going ard. im not trying to say that they are not nice ppl but the thing is. hey ppl, we need time and place to do the correct thing and have the correct attitude. like wad G said. its not being angry, we had pretty fun times too. but for today, its purely disappointing. its all gonna be over really soon. thursday final rehearsal with PK and den its the real thing on next thurs.

im tired of all the politics that are going on around me.
-classroom supposedly be the place where we make friends and learn tgt? why has it evolved into such a place where we go against each other. a place where unhappiness among each other soar. why is the devil taking control. where have all the angels gone to? i need a angel in my life.

im tired of listening to people hating each other, of me myself hating someone else.
discontentment leads to unhappiness and when others get more happiness from the source of discontentment, hatred grows. where have the love gone to? deanna. you were such a friendly person. what has the devil turned you into. my gosh.

i'm tired of giving all the time. maybe not all the time. but yeah. im empty now. everything's out and im not receiving enough to keep me going.

i dont wanna stand alone anymore. am i? the question of my existence keeps repeating. i am loved but i am dispensable. i guess that is how i am. and i cant even seem to blank out completely, even if i seriously want to. there are so many things that are going in my head even when i sleep.

how silly.