OUR KID AS CUTE AS THIS

this was taken during national day celebration on school. and this photo, really meant alot to me. it says so much about the changes that were going on.. and i really like this idea of change. im happy about it. im serious :)

there are so many things in my head recently again. i thought those days were gone, but they're back now. and i completely have no idea why. but im sure that this is a so much more easier decision to make. that is to; give in. convince yourself deanna. cos you are problem. sorry for dissapointing you today :( i dont want to hide it anymore, but im afraid that i'll hurt ppl by revealing the truth. im blabbering, talking nonsense.

ignore me.

im bad.

go away.

bye.

looking ahead.

time check. 12.23am

these days ive not been sleeping really well. i take a long time to fall to sleep. and probably thats because there are too many things that are in my head. too many decisions to make and to many determinations to take. so many things that i have to refrain myself from, so many things that i have to tell myself no.

lets look at what work ive not done so that i can keep my focus. econs tutorial, complete the case studies: singapore, india, germany. and please read up on the text book about government policies. maths: OMG integration and integration and integration. history is fine. read up on the notes. and probably prepare for consultation. literature: carol ann duffy poem essay, richard close reading. and yupp. nothing much alr. but hey. look at the amt of time that i have. its not enough and probably ive wasted another half an hour of my life typing this while thing here out. but who cares enough to realise that except me anyway!

guess where that pic was taken and sms the answer to me and you'll be entitled a gift. HAHAH! damn bored. i need my life please. everything is so screwed and i think i need to take a clear stand soon. i need to make a decision like tonight. WOW.

now lets talk about my goals for promos. i know this seems @.@ but yeah. i want to roll myself into honour rolls! i dont think its impossible. i've never wanted something so badly in my life before. i dont want to be seen as a stupid retainee that is always fooling ard and not studying anymore. i want to prove to everyone that by staying one more year, might probably be the correct way out if we cant cope. you get what i mean?

History @H2: A-- 20 RP

Literature @H2: A-- 20 RP

Economics @H2: B-- 17.5 RP

Maths @H1: C-- 7.5 RP

General Paper @H1: B -- 8.75 RP

TOTAL: 73.75 ranking points.

(should be able to alr right?)

well. this is the target. and probably i'll fall way below it. but at least i have a target. :):) and i know what im working for. probably im working for the end of all this pain and misery! :)

<3

when things arent the same anymore

you dont have to be a leader in name to be a leader in action.

ive learnt.

think things

blogger is back to normal. i can finally post photos! YAY! haha.

well. emo momo here.
things are going faster than it should and i have no confidence to pull it thru promos. there are still 2 more months to go and at this rate. i am going to >.< but there again, we promised to roll into honour rolls tgt. haha. well. tonight, you could say, is the accelerated night. many things happened. in, and out of our control. thou they are minor things, i could feel that it is changing. but i dont want anything to change! i like the way it is now. the ambiguous way that everyone starts guessing and even myself! i tend to guess alot about the things gone right/wrong, things that i should have or should not have done. and it seems to me that i cant judge anymore. piority is definitely studies but can i study without that pressence? i probably cant.
when things dont change, i want it to change. sometimes even without knowing what i wanted it to be. and when things change, expectedly or unexpectedly, im afraid of that change. i dont know if i really wanted that change to even happen at all in the first place! i find it so ironic that im feeling this way. it shouldnt be right?
i like to feel protected and loved (who doesnt) but there again. i cant lose this battle. i have to win, and win it victoriously. i know that battle against the big P is all i want to do right now. but things are getting in my way. no. i should say. things are aiding my way to winning this battle but i just dont know how to handle it well enough yet.

i still need to grow. well yeah. grow. like a cactus.

there is a reason

i believe there is a reason behind all the things we do. consciously or sub-consciously. but i guess. i dont know what i want now. im at a confused stage. and like how i would tell all the other people..

dont do anything when you're confused. you get the other hurt..

alrights.
:)