.IM.PER.FEC.TIONS.

2009-09-02T00:09:00.001+08:00

moved. for more privacy.

i passed my basic theory test

2009-08-28T01:01:00.003+08:00

yeah. i passed my basic theory test. and now, i cant sleep. whats next?
so many things happened these few days that i could hardly rmb things that happened. i was knitting. just now. then. this thought came into my head. who am i knitting for this time? eunice knows who she's knitting for, and i used to know who i was knitting for. gena knows who she wanted to knit for, and i used to know who i wanted to knit for. but now, i knit. without anyone in mind to give it to.

there's so much love within me. that there's no space for anything else. and yet there's no other outlet to let the feelings run. there's no one to be one the receiving end. and this questions the need of love. the purpose of love. and why? who doesnt wish to have someone to hold? but who can love you without being told? well.

you aint going to hurt me anymore...

2009-08-26T23:20:00.003+08:00

...because there's nothing left already.

maybe ive been really bwrong about things. about the people ard me. im confused. and i completely agree with eunice. its surprising why am i even feeling the same way as her. i dont know what to say anymore. click on her link. (sorry kiddo hope you dont mind)

and i will work. work very hard. till i collaspe. that is. if anyone would notice.

i will wear these scars for everyone to see.

2009-08-25T21:30:00.000+08:00

went to school today like usual. and i knew today was going to be a bad day. i cried so much last night, i have an econs test today and worse of all,, i'll be taking the test in the same lecture hall for as much as i hate it to be. turns out. the test was pretty fine just that i didnt really have the time to complete everything. i didnt have alot to say anyway. just hope that i can pass. but, just when the test was about to start, the teacher asked, "who have not gotten your question papers?" i merely spaced out. and i saw him, raising his hand. my heart crinched(if thats how i spell it).up till the point when the teacher said we could start, i was still dazing. my reactivity time has slowed down. probably due to the lack of sleep. im supposed to be doing work. but im here wasting 10 mins of my life blogging.

i just came home today. no. i came home and went out again. for tuition. as thou as i were the one having exams. hms im not. im giving tuition. just in case the super lag you still dont know. i did my lit analysis while she did her written assignment. i tend to pick up small little times to do little work but waste big times doing nothing, or rather crying over evaporated water.

i ask myself. each day after he was gone. i keep questioning myself. so many questions. so many answers. i dont want pity. thats my conclusion. if i were to come to a point where he comes back to me because of pity, its really pointless i guess. rather, could i be strong? so that he will fall in love with me again? probably he doesnt and he wont. but its still better than wallowing in self pity. i wore a jacket to school today. to cover up my scars. after the test, i realised. i didnt have to. the people ard me wont notice it even if i left it visible. im just this unimportant sometimes. or really, do the girl have to die before being able to get the attention she wants? oh no. i dont want attention. i just want to be happy. and i think im happy just like that. i do what i like. whats wrong with eating packet lunch at home? whats wrong with walking ard in school alone? whats wrong with studying alone in school. there is nothing wrong with being alone. why do people judge me for walking alone? why can i feel those eyes looking at me when i'm alone? why cant i be alone? ir maybe ther arent even looking at me. they arent even judging me. i mthe one who's constantly looking at myself, judging at myself. deep down, i know only i can define myself. no one else knows me well enough to define me. maybe mummy can. but no one else can. i like staying at home now. at least i get recognised for things i do. at least i can laugh whole heartedly at lame jokes my mother and sister makes. i can cry and i can do anything i want without being judged. even if im judged i know its because they love me and they will love me still unconditionally no matter how they judge me. this is family. if you arent feeling this from home, i think its time to reconsider your relation ship with family. okay. this coming from me isnt really convincing. relationships. i suck at it.

and yes. its you that made me feel this way. and thank you sebby. for your encouragement. you are the only one whom i really can talk to. and not fear being judged in school. im really afraid to be judged now i guess. thats makes you special. maybe no more lovers. but friends forever! (:

ive edited my list. my love list. i realise i actually love alot of people. for who they are and what they are to me. i dotn show it, doesnt mean i dont love you. some ppl might actually be surprised that you're in my list. those who are not, its probably im still trying to love you & probably im at the stage of liking you now (: because when i love someone. its uncondional love.

MUMMY,MEIMEI,brianTHEpig,dk,zh,c,j,rn,kj,rbk,ger,kid,gn,seb,zy,sw.

(:(:(: and i love myself.
ps. i crossed the road today with my eyes closed.

you dont mean what you say. do you?

2009-08-25T01:45:00.005+08:00

truth reveals itself in the night. most of the time.

when the night falls, we start to ponder. for how long more will this night last? this night is cold. this night is painful. this night if full of tears and sorrow. when will it ever end?

i am a lucky child. am i? i think so. i dont know. who knows enough to tell me if im lucky or not? or.. being lucky cant be defined. it depends.. it depends on how you look at it. i have a wonderful mum who nags at me. she nags cause she cares and she's really awesome. but the only thing is, i dont know how to share my problems with her. i dont know how to share my problems with everybody. i cant share, especially when it comes to my emotions. i end up crying like shit. it makes me hate myself more when im not able to control my emotions and flare up at my family for no partiicular reason. and it really hurts me cos i know they are the only ones in thie entire world that will love me unconditionally, that will accept me for who i am. and im glad i have them. but shit. deanna. stop hurting your family. you suck. i know i do. im sorry :(

im starting to doubt the people ard me. and i know its wrong! but im still doing it because i cant help it. it appears to me that people can change so quickly that you can hardly catch up. and this is so scary. one day your lover, the other, your foe. its so superficial. or maybe its me that's superficial, but why cant ppl seethe fragility in life? why cant some ppl just start to realise how frail life is? why cant you just treasure me? the person standing right in front of you? the world's furthest distance to me right now is no longer life and death(cliche i know), but me, standing in front of you, and you, knowing that i love you yet not willing to acknowledge that fact. heartaches. hurts. it does. as i try not to hurt, i hurt more people.. why? by moving on, i hurt. but staying stagnant, im hurting inside. what can i do? tmr's econs test. quite impt test i guess. but what am i still doing here? i cant sleep. the moment i close my eyes, i see the scenes where we not like now. its just a couple of days and many things have changed. my attitude to people have changed, my attitude towards school work has changed, people's attitude towards me have changed. but one thing doesnt change. the broken heart is still there in its brokened pieces; still bleeding. and till oneday, the heart dies, the girl dies and all the people who loves her will start to notice her again. but till then, its all too late.

i dont want to be a dancing diva. i dont want to be the center of attraction. no more. maybe i used to want it. but no more. i dont want to strive to be the shinning star anymore. i just want to be normal. a normal girl who is able to love and to receive love; to be able to smile each day when she see her closest friends in school; to be able to do well in her studies(or at least passable). thats it! there's nth more than this in life as a student. i dont want to be president, i dont want to be dancing diva. if i could choose, i'll give up everything i have, just to have a plain and simple life, filled with happiness and joy. im nothing more than a machine that can cry right now.i depreciate and thats it. im alr depreciating. probably to come to the end of my life span soon? thats how pathetic life is for me. (in my opinion). but can anything really be changed? i dont think so.

picking myself up is not an option for me for im weak to begin with. learning to live with tearsis probably a better solution.

p.s. ive learnt to study/do econs essay crying alr.

you're hot and you're cold

2009-08-24T21:11:00.003+08:00

i think its time i not hide my feelings anymore. i had enough trying to cover up my feelings and i had enough dealing with all the problems on my own. i had enough blogging in my private blog and talking to walls and crying into mirrors telling myself to stay strong. its time i make my feelings felt. the reflection that i see is a stupid girl, who does not know what she is doing anymore. i didnt use to be like that. but now, why?

gena asked me 2 impt questions today. that made me tear instantly. but i hid my tears. i didnt want to let anyone cone into my alr frail heart to hurt me anymore. i dont want to reveal my weakness. i choose to put up a stong front. but now, just for this moment, let me take down this strong front and just let me cry? gena asked,"if a sniper were to walk into college and start shooting randomly, who will you wish for to be safe and be with you at the moment?" even before finishing her question, i had an answer alr. and when i asked my answer this similar question, his answer was,"i'll run home to protect myself." it says so much, doesnt it? who am i even your heart right now? i dont belive that feelings change so easily and i dont believe that you completely have let me go. why did you even walk me to the gate? why did you say bye, and still wait for me on the other side of the door? i dont want a literature analysis of you. but i just want to know your heart. i dont want keep my feelings for you hidden anymore. and i dont care the consequences anymore. i had enough of this kind of lifestyle. you can continue pushing me away. but ultimately, you will come to realise that i will always be here for you. here comes gena's second question. "how do you know when is the right time to let go (& leave it to fate) or to fight on for the things you want in life." i teared instantly again. i hid it again. i was scared. for god knows what reasons, i was scared. very scared. in my head, thousand and one things crashed down tgt. i had no idea how to breath. even up till now. i still have no idea how to breath without you.

we tend to lose things when we dont show our affection. but thats not the reason why i lost you. but one thing doesnt change; that is, our motto rmb? what was in it? what we promised each other? our policies? do you have any idea how much you're affecting me? do you have any idea what difference you make to my life each day? do you have any idea why im forsaking so many other things in my life just for you? do you know why am i doind everything (including this post) for? its for you. its for the love that i believe once existed and is still existing. i believe in it. i never lied about my feelings for you. and i trust you didnt. thats why im still here. at where you left me. now that you're gone, what can i say? i go to school each day because i know i can get to see you. i cant wait for school to end because we can study tgt after that. i dread the day to end because i have to wait another day before being able to see you again. i study hard partly because we promised each other that we'll roll into honour rolls tgt.. now that you're gone, what else can i say?

you would know im talking about you if you are the person. because we share so many things in this short time. its says alot as well. the tune of bolero is still in my head. just because you told me its your favourite song. and im learning to play it. you promised to play the piano for me and i thought i could return the ffavour by playing your fav song for you. but i guess.. its all too late. is it?

but still, it feels so much better letting my feelings being heard(hurt). yes? no? continue hating me. but i will continue loving you. and i will continue learning the song. just in case oneday, you will want to hear me play it for you..

OUR KID AS CUTE AS THIS

2009-08-14T01:08:00.002+08:00

this was taken during national day celebration on school. and this photo, really meant alot to me. it says so much about the changes that were going on.. and i really like this idea of change. im happy about it. im serious :)

there are so many things in my head recently again. i thought those days were gone, but they're back now. and i completely have no idea why. but im sure that this is a so much more easier decision to make. that is to; give in. convince yourself deanna. cos you are problem. sorry for dissapointing you today :( i dont want to hide it anymore, but im afraid that i'll hurt ppl by revealing the truth. im blabbering, talking nonsense.

ignore me.

im bad.

go away.

bye.

looking ahead.

2009-08-07T00:22:00.003+08:00

time check. 12.23am

these days ive not been sleeping really well. i take a long time to fall to sleep. and probably thats because there are too many things that are in my head. too many decisions to make and to many determinations to take. so many things that i have to refrain myself from, so many things that i have to tell myself no.

lets look at what work ive not done so that i can keep my focus. econs tutorial, complete the case studies: singapore, india, germany. and please read up on the text book about government policies. maths: OMG integration and integration and integration. history is fine. read up on the notes. and probably prepare for consultation. literature: carol ann duffy poem essay, richard close reading. and yupp. nothing much alr. but hey. look at the amt of time that i have. its not enough and probably ive wasted another half an hour of my life typing this while thing here out. but who cares enough to realise that except me anyway!

guess where that pic was taken and sms the answer to me and you'll be entitled a gift. HAHAH! damn bored. i need my life please. everything is so screwed and i think i need to take a clear stand soon. i need to make a decision like tonight. WOW.

now lets talk about my goals for promos. i know this seems @.@ but yeah. i want to roll myself into honour rolls! i dont think its impossible. i've never wanted something so badly in my life before. i dont want to be seen as a stupid retainee that is always fooling ard and not studying anymore. i want to prove to everyone that by staying one more year, might probably be the correct way out if we cant cope. you get what i mean?

History @H2: A-- 20 RP

Literature @H2: A-- 20 RP

Economics @H2: B-- 17.5 RP

Maths @H1: C-- 7.5 RP

General Paper @H1: B -- 8.75 RP

TOTAL: 73.75 ranking points.

(should be able to alr right?)

well. this is the target. and probably i'll fall way below it. but at least i have a target. :):) and i know what im working for. probably im working for the end of all this pain and misery! :)

when things arent the same anymore

2009-08-06T00:30:00.007+08:00

you dont have to be a leader in name to be a leader in action.

ive learnt.

think things

2009-08-06T00:22:00.002+08:00

blogger is back to normal. i can finally post photos! YAY! haha.

well. emo momo here.
things are going faster than it should and i have no confidence to pull it thru promos. there are still 2 more months to go and at this rate. i am going to >.< but there again, we promised to roll into honour rolls tgt. haha. well. tonight, you could say, is the accelerated night. many things happened. in, and out of our control. thou they are minor things, i could feel that it is changing. but i dont want anything to change! i like the way it is now. the ambiguous way that everyone starts guessing and even myself! i tend to guess alot about the things gone right/wrong, things that i should have or should not have done. and it seems to me that i cant judge anymore. piority is definitely studies but can i study without that pressence? i probably cant.
when things dont change, i want it to change. sometimes even without knowing what i wanted it to be. and when things change, expectedly or unexpectedly, im afraid of that change. i dont know if i really wanted that change to even happen at all in the first place! i find it so ironic that im feeling this way. it shouldnt be right?
i like to feel protected and loved (who doesnt) but there again. i cant lose this battle. i have to win, and win it victoriously. i know that battle against the big P is all i want to do right now. but things are getting in my way. no. i should say. things are aiding my way to winning this battle but i just dont know how to handle it well enough yet.

i still need to grow. well yeah. grow. like a cactus.

there is a reason

2009-08-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

i believe there is a reason behind all the things we do. consciously or sub-consciously. but i guess. i dont know what i want now. im at a confused stage. and like how i would tell all the other people..

dont do anything when you're confused. you get the other hurt..

alrights.
:)

why cant i post photos?

2009-07-31T23:37:00.000+08:00

aye! back from concert. thou some parts was a bit boring and put pohzy to sleep, it was still quite good. the goldfish was zai just that the song is too long. lose attentions easily. bolero is awesome to the max man! HAHAH! but i still cant freaking get that tempo that was repeated 500over times accordingly.

ate icecream walked abit, esplanade roof and etc etc.. not bad. i took pictures! but i cant seem to upload it here. so irritating. ts on facebook k peeps!

kay. im waiting now. for verification.

lead with you heart.

2009-07-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

do we even know what went wrong? could we even tell that there was something wrong? when it all comes to an end, we realise that we are not alone. sometimes i find myself in a falling action, but look ard and we will find ppl falling tgt with us..

i dont know what is going to happen tmr. but i sincerely hope its the best for everyone, for the things and one we love. and probably its on of the things that i considered the most while making the decision. i dont know how will everyone react but i guess i'll still have to do it. this a neccesary evil. :):) hahha! *evil laughters! nah. but really had a good talk with ppl that are more experienced than i am and are in a better position to judge..

sometimes we fall alone and i hope this time, i'm not alone.
(okay lah. i know got pohzy according to him. but still.. hahah! there's this reliability question going still. HAHAH! oh! and thanks for visiting me- seriously scary)

ALL THE BEST.

2009-07-25T22:50:00.001+08:00

today was farewell. there were less people than i thought we would have. well at least those who went made everything worthwhile. we were all having fun :) i shall post the photos when i recieve them.. i will miss the times we had tgt seniors!

it started with practice, in which we went in and out to get materials and to prepare them. and stashing them at the squash courts! :) had ice breakers and even before lunch, i had to go for lessons. luckily i was back in time for the showdown of water bombs between exco and us. tried to dry up a little and went inside for the prize giving ceremony. was really happy that zhiwen and ziyang came down inspite of all their busy schedules! :)
the songs were really nice. i hoped the seniors liked it. i personally enjoyed it wuite a fare bit. and it was surely nice to hear the words of gratitute and encouragement from both J1s and J2s. i know this might be a simple farewell, that is not really well coordinated, i hope you enjoyed it.

and for my exco, thank you for all your efforts put in. like what i said in co room, no matter how great i am. i wouldnt be able to accomplish all these on my own. you guys really make co special. i might not be the best leader and have not been really good in certain areas, i hope you'll allow me to learn as i continue to do my best for nyco. :) you all also kk! i love you guys too.

im really tired now. very very tired. kk. time to rest.
and i dont agree. you are a good guy. :)

looking at your eye

2009-07-25T00:46:00.005+08:00

it doesnt matter where you go, does it? you just need to go with the correct people.. <3

aw(e)some-ness

2009-07-20T00:23:00.003+08:00

today was awesome. great hangout with jasmine, ryna, clarissa, zhenhao, yida and daniel. it has been a gazilion years since i went out with all of them!

clarissa and i shared a beef soup meal and it was nice kk! sashimi there is really good too. jasmine and ryna shared theirs :) as usual it was the fattening and non-fattening talk that went on and on before we finally decided on what to order. zhenhao ordered this meal that was super worth it. don+udon! and its very full (according to him). yida and daniel ate this noodle in a super big bowl. was damn hilarious i tell you but its also very nice :):):):):). then came the ice coffee incident (which was super hilarious too!) but poor zh's crumpler. hahah.

trained to millenia(if thats how you spell it) for YAMI! :) ate. and as usual the guys joked like crazy. the jokes that yida hated daniel for breaking the answers; the times where they claimed that they were backstabbing each other and they started pulling out knives from each other's back; times where they just laugh non-stop at nothing in particular actually; times where they complained about the little boy who lookied for his mummy after bombing the toilet. i must admit, these.. can never found in my current class. 0937 is unique in its own way. but 0836 will definitely be the best memories of my jc life.(up till now but i doubt it'll change)
i'll update the photos when ryna updates them on fb =D

the coffee joke lasted for 15mins. the backstab joke lasted for another 15mins. it has been such a long time since i luaghed so hard. thankyou so much darlings.. you know i love you! <3

everything was fine. i was laughing so hard the whole day. but now, im not.

changes.d

2009-07-18T23:27:00.001+08:00

i cant fit into my surroundings.

perfections within the imperfections

2009-07-18T22:20:00.002+08:00

awesomeness was just a word before i knew you guys.

CHANGEd.es

2009-07-18T22:10:00.002+08:00

what happens when changes occur and you cant adapt to you?
what happens when changes occur, you are able to adapt to it but and yet, cant accept it?
what happens when changes occur and you cant accept it despite knowing that nothing can be changed?
what happens when everything changes just when you least expects it to?
what happens when everything changes just when you are happy with what you have?
what happens when things change over and over again just when you got used to the one previously?

changes keep happening ard us all the time. what do we do to face these changes? or sometimes, we didnt even realise that the change has taken place. or.. are the changes far too insignificant that we can just completely neglect it.

am i this change?

insecurity

2009-07-16T19:50:00.000+08:00

Real Love?

Saying," I Love You always and Forever"

Tears ...sadness, playful times and laughter ...

Will there be a happily ever after?

Times of uncertainties, empty feelings..

empty thoughts...empty hearts...

Can our love survive or will it drift apart?

Good times ,bad times ...we are going through it all..

.can we keep this relationship going strong ...

.or will crumble to pieces, and fall?

Do we want our love to continue to grow and grow?

...Do all we planed for the future

...and never let go ?Whatever tomorrow may bring

..If we stay together or go separate ways ..

Remember all our fun times and all our happy days .

One thing I know we can do no matter what ...

is to keep our love the good memories locked deep inside our hearts..

because keeping them there is a bond

between us that can never be torn apart ...

" lets keep our love alive "

CHARACTERISTICS OF A CACTUS

2009-07-15T21:45:00.002+08:00

well. ive decided to be a cactus. but all thanks to gena. im going to be a thornless one. what are the thorns for in actual fact? they are there as leaves to give food and life to the plant. without the thorns, the plant can only stay there and wait for the day of its death. i know i will die without these thorns, but why am i still willing to do so? its because of 1 simple reason. i dont want my thorns to hurt others. i dont want to prick others with my existence. i dont want to cause pain to others simply because i existed.

why a cactus.
a cactus is soft in actual fact. and right because of such a inborn weakness, it has developed thorns to protect itself. i am in fact, one with a soft heart, who constantly puts up walls to protect myself. to the extent that i will hurt others while trying to protect myself. i dont want to do that anymore. ive learnt. its within me to think for others first. i can never be happy even if i put up walls. ive learnt that my life was meant to give and not to take. god has put me in such a position that i will gain more by giving instead of the other way round. i finally understood but im still working on how i can make my life the most meaningful by working around my purpose.

i feel hopeful. but yet missing a part.

dedication

2009-07-14T21:51:00.004+08:00

i have no idea what the title of this post should be, but i think i should dedicate this to those who are reading this.. cos at least these people bother enough to at least read this blog.

my blog is nothing special just because of the simple reason that im ordinary. im just an ordinary girl whom exists on this earth for the very same reason as anyone else ard me. i might be luckier to be born in a family more well to do, in such a way that im more taken care of and that im more sheltered than others. for this, i would really want to thank my parents for giving me this wonderful, comfortable home that i know i can always rely on no matter what happens to me outside. no matter how stressed im feeling i know i can rant i can complain i can throw my temper without being judged for who am i for they alr know very well who i really am. too many wrong things that ive did against them. so many times they get so angry that they almost wanted to throw e out of the house. but here i am, still in this family. now understanding where they come from, how they love me. the point here im trying to say is that. we all need time. to realise. we all need patience. to understand. we all need to open up. to accept. we all need a heart. to feel what is real and what is not. it might not seem like that from the start. but oneday you will know you will start to realise.. things that you dont like to hear are the things in fact the most important happenings that shape you. this doesnt only happen to family. it is happening to all our surroundings.. its just the degree of importance of that person to you.. and how much you are willing to spend on that person or those people.

we live in this world as human beings and mankind that needs to interact and communicate. and dont you agree that by doing so, we are alr complicating our lives? but why are we still constantly doing so? are people ard us in particular, friends, just tools that we use, just people that we see in school everyday that we dont really bother at the very end of the day? no. we all know that. we are able to tolerate and accept people that are different because we treasure. because we care. because we are not selfish. like how my parents did, they kept me with them because i was special to them. i meant everything to them. and therefore they can accept me no matter how i screwed up their life and how i messed things up. just like friends. many times, we tend to only see us and only us in our eyes. thats what happened last year. or perhaps. my eyes really opened this year after retaining. i began to see things in a different light. is it true that we have to crasha and fall before we learn? then what are teachers for? the teach us before we fail. and even thou we still fail sometimes, we will eventually get it.

honestly. friendship problems.. ive had them too. and my wilfullness had caused me to lose my 3 dearest friends. kaijia, right? but im very thankful that they are stil willing to stay in contact with me and we are not very close, but at least still friends.. and i know that we are all constantly making the effort to make up for the times lost last time. and for that friend that i had misunderstood.. i felt so bad. at that point in time, i thought i was right about everything, i felt as thought the world was against me, everyone was ganging up against me, to bully me, to ostracise me and to keep me out of the click. and obviously, i would do anything to let them understand my point. and that includes the risk of giving them up. this is the case now for you isnt it? not just 1 but both of you. look at this.. im looking back. and i totally regret it. i chose to do what you chose. probably that is the so called sensible way to deal with things right now. 2 years down the road you will hate yourself for taking this decision. i hated myself like crap. i dont want that to happen. i regretted like shit. i dont want that to happen. i begged and wished all those hadnt happened.

i dont want that to happen to you guys as well.. you know who im dedicating this post to. im not saying who is right and who is wrong. all i want is for you guys to take a step back. stop flaming each other. it is never going to help that way. it is never going to work that way. ive been there. no matter what you've gone through i can swear upon my life that ive gone through more. stop saying no one knows how you feel because no one else will know that feeling better than i do. in any case, please, talk to me. i may not know how you're exactly feeling, but i know how it feels to be what situation you're in.

i really hope you get it. what i really want for you all to do now is probably to talk to each other. properly. show your real faces and stop all the facades. if you cant talk straight to each other's face, thins friendship has to be reconsidered. i trust you love each other. lay things out. set things right. only by doing this, the friendship will be able to last.

we complicate each other's life. but we are willing to let each other do so because we care enough. if you care enough to accept that friend, i know you will care enough to keep that friend. for the simple reason being. she's worth it.

...

2009-07-13T20:20:00.002+08:00

when we were all young, nothing seem to matter to us as we have so much.. so much to give, so much to share, so much to allow ppl to take from us. because we take fir granted so many things, we tend to lose them easily and yet not feelings any thing about it. but as we frow older, we tend to want to keep things to ourselves. we are now feeling more deprived and in need of this thing called love. we dont want to share. but we'll all have to. and get used to it. the life that we have requires us to share as much as we do when we were young. but how many of us really can do it?

there were times that i felt like that as well.. im feeling lost and gone. but now hopes back. its taking me to a bright past. but the thing is. perhaps, we really have to fall, crash and die before we really realise what life is all about. no matter how much you think you have gone through, nothing is compared to many other people.

take advice. really. take advice. get out.

COUNTING MY BLESSINGS

2009-07-13T19:35:00.004+08:00

from the left: kaijia! germaine! & corine!
its awesome to see you girls after so long.. thankyou girls for coming! its so hard to meet you all after so long. really so hard.. very touched that you all came.. made my day! thankyou so much! :)
-

juliana and gena! you guys really got me started with the fun! thanks for coming.. :):)
-
see i so nice right dedicate post to you all! hahah! cos obviously! you know i love you all. its important to know who really matters to you. some people come into your life and mess them up while some come into your life fitting in perfectly. if it doesnt fit perfectly, it doesnt mean that you are not meant to be friends. its just that you need more time to understand each other. and if the person really messes up your life too much that you cant take it anymore, you have to weigh. you have to weigh if the person is worth all there turmoil. if the person is worth it, go through together and solve the problem. thats really all we have. choices. if the person is not worth it, you knw what to do. sort it out and get on with life. sometimes, by dwelling on what went wrong, you will continue to live in your world and live in misery. ive lived that sort of life and i know that by behaving this way will get someone no where. really. instead of looking back into the past, look into the future and count our blessings. thats just life. you will never get enough of life. just make do with it. dont go ard making people feel worse about what has happened. dont make assumptions. not more. dont do this to the people ard you. stop it.

the fence hurts.

2009-07-13T19:11:00.002+08:00

i had a wonderful bday! thou many of my friends could not come.. **winkswinks it was still awesome as i had the blessings of many people. im really happy. instead of dwelling in the fact that many didnt come, i shall be happy and thank all that came. thankyou! i'll be dedicating the next post to those who came.. with pictures of course! :)

i ate so so so so so much please. majong-ed the prev night till 5plus. went back school the next morning at 8plus for co. stayed till 2plus for farewell gifts and went for organ class. went back to chalet at ard 4plus. gena and juliana came. bbq. ate. more ppl came. ate more. kaijia, germaine, corine came. ate. majong-ed again. more ppl came. ate more. drank. ate. rained. ate. drank. drank. dranked. dranked. crashed. wow.

happy 18th birthday! :) awesome-ness!

POISONOUS.

2009-07-10T18:06:00.000+08:00

Cancer, you are focusing more on interacting with others today, and getting out in the world is the only thing you are interested in. You are making contacts with new colleagues, and enjoying the moment wherever your day takes you. Whether you are single or attached, this will play out into the evening as well. You aren't going to settle for a quiet night in with anyone that offers something so boring. No, today you need to be around people, and whomever wants to be with you will just have to play by your rules today.

WELL. TRUE?

similarities

2009-07-07T22:18:00.002+08:00

quoted from jasmine..
everytime things happen to me, i always find you in the same predicament.. im glad i have you girl.

--Thought quite alot yesterday, when i'm feeling vulnerable i tend to think alot, worry alot Came to this conclusion that although it may seem as though i know what i want, i actually don't. I'm just so very confused.Liking someone sucks, or should i say the possibility of liking someone sucks. Either way it does sucks, and it sucks because you don't know how to handle that. And it sucks cause you are confused and you don't know what you want. Yet you expect. You expect all your expectations to be fufiled when you know that it is impossible and you're not supposed to expect anything out of something.You care, and you love. Yet not in the way lovers love and care for each other, but just as friends. Yet you're afraid that the other party might see otherwise.So how do you go about caring and loving? Just like how i think hugs and kisses tend to be overrated, and that they do not hold much significance unless its the first or its the last one you give or recieve, in the eyes of others opinions might differ. In conclusion, one step forward two steps back.--

resposibility alongside

2009-07-05T21:09:00.003+08:00

18! hahah. thats what alot of ppl wished me. thankyou guys for all our wishes and sms/fb greetings :) deanna is very thankful and touched!

im still wondering why my photos cannot be uploaded. im so affected by it. thankyou alina, sebastian, cheechiang, shiwee! although cake got all over my face, i had lots of fun. thankyou so so so so so much. i cant update the photos here cos this place is like screwed. but ive uploaded it on facebook alr! :):) thankyou mummy for the sumptous dinner at sakura. i ate like whole loads of sashimi. damn shiok. HAHAHAHAH!

okay. yupp. happy birthday to me.

VERIFICATION

2009-07-03T18:32:00.003+08:00

IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I BLOGGED. TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF THE EXAMS. maths utterly killed me. kay. im so depressed. i really studied okay! :( BUT THE J2s ARE STILL HAVING THEIR PAPER. JIAYOU JIAYOU KK!

WAS LEFT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE CAUDE I DIDNT HAVE THE KEYS. HAD SOME TIME ON MY OWN. AND THUS, I CAME UP WITH SOMETHING UNUSUAL I GUESS.

literature i like an opened book. we're allowed to read it. but its so chim, we can never understand it by reading it 1 time :( we never know what was coming out.. like how nightingale came out. it was so unpredictable!

maths is like a fish bone. its common and everywhere. but not everyone likes it. only cats do, i dont. and if you're not careful with it, you will get choked on it and die. just like me! i got choked on it and died. today! HAHAHAHHA!

econs is like a magic box. we seem to know everything inside. but we dont really know what is it about anyway. only by trying out with the things inside, in which this case is to sit for exams, only will we be able to determine if we really knew what was going on.

history is like a laptop? eveything is there for you to know. just that we can never really find out where the answers really are. we tend to utter alot. like how we do alot with the computer, but we never get to the point. HAHAH! true yeah!?

general paper. gp is like a mystery box. like the ones we buy in pet society. we never know what will be coming out. you will never be too prepares for the surprises that awaits you for this subject..

okay. i think im probably too bored. if there wasnt h1n1, i would at camp now with youknowwho celebbrating my bday. all my plans are screwed cos of that freaking disease/virus. go away lah please. hurry up!

2009-07-02T00:30:00.000+08:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

the past should stay dead

2009-06-29T22:01:00.002+08:00

history paper killed my fingers. my fingers were damn pain after that okay. wrote like whole loads of it and they say i siao. but really got alot to write wad!
international history was okay. general questions were okay. i just hope i dont screw up my sea history big time. if nothing goes wrong. i can do not bad :)

tmr's econs! everytime i think i can do well i will flung. i hope it doesnt happen this way again. i really really got study luh.. sadded.
....ltc kena postponed indefinitely. which means.. there comes my bday. back to me. but there goes my bday hugg.. sadded again.

i need to study. havent really started. tuition just now. i teach :)

LIFE'S SHORT; PADDLE HARDD

2009-06-28T23:17:00.004+08:00

i loveee bumblebeeeee to the core plss! he is so cute luhh! went to catch transformers last night although i was supposed to be studying =.=

went to brian cheng's dragonboat match today at marina thou i was supposed to be studying. went to eat and bought heels! YAY! happy :)

exams tmr.

life's short; paddle hard. but you have to paddle smart. nicholas ngern.. explain yourself..

i cant walk without you

2009-06-27T00:41:00.002+08:00

supposed to get up early for macs breakfast today. but yeah. i only woke up at 12 plus. lol.
went all the way to campass point to eat macs after that.
went to amk hub for facial after that.
went to hougang mall to eat pepper lunch. sukiyaki beef. wow.

but im still missing something.

WHEEEZ

2009-06-25T19:50:00.002+08:00

yay! i got tuition jobs alr. p4 and p3 chi. not bad not bad. hahah! but must maintain my own school work. if not cannot work and earn extra pocket money anymore. dangzxzxz! but! im sure i can do well :)

went shopping tadays in the morning.. err afternoon. den i bought new tailored pants! not me lahh. mummy bought for me first. maybe i'll pay her back later. maybe. HAHAH! yay. v nice okay. its from iora ^^

deanna is happy today!~

AT NIGHT.

2009-06-23T00:32:00.003+08:00

WHY DOES IT ALL GET SO TOUGH AT NIGHT..
WHY DOES ALL THE EMOTIONS COME AT NIGHT..

SAND. WATER. SAND. TEARS.

2009-06-22T01:21:00.009+08:00

went sentosa today. slept till 11 plus, went to dhoby to meet mummy they all. ate lunch and headed to vivo. was supposed to meet brian cheng there but he's race was delayed for 1 whole hour. so yeah. he met us at 4? so late luhh. somemore he got sliver only! :( cheer up. hahha. i like sentosa. we should all go there again. i like it when its at night. everything becomes so pretty and makes me forget my problems temporarily. after that went to eat a brian cheng's house. had steamboat. v nice also v full. okay now v tired. i shall go sleep.

sand gets into my eyes. and i cry.

JUST ACIA.

2009-06-21T00:37:00.003+08:00

sorry if i scared you all with my notes. its just one of my emotions overflowing.. sorry man.

went downtown east to eat just acia.

me and meimei.

and yeah. as usual.. piglets!~

TUITION ASSIGNMENTS!?

2009-06-20T01:23:00.003+08:00

besides studying for midyears, and trying to up my level for restaurant city, and wondering how come ppl can level up so fast, i've been looking for students to teach. i wanna earn my own pocket money! YEAH! hahah. ive got agents. but i want to start asap. so yehh. if you know anyone that needs tuition immediately, can find me okayyy!

PRAWN-ISTIVAL!

2009-06-17T02:34:00.007+08:00

i really really enjoyed the prawns and all. and i caught 8. when brian cheng caught 18. tsk.

hahah! yupp. i guess the photos would do the talking alr. so yeah!

nights!~

2009-06-11T22:26:00.001+08:00

why?
cause no matter how hard you try, there will be people who will still be unhappy with you.

dont look back

2009-06-10T20:35:00.004+08:00

this aint fairlytale. its something we all can look forward to. the beauty in life :)

28KM TO CHANGI VILLAGE

2009-06-09T20:04:00.005+08:00

im finally back from nyco chalet. i can say its one of the best school chalets that i have went. everyone was soooo enthu and fun! :) but my thighs are still hurting like crap. its alot better compared to this morning where i couldnt sleep solely cos it was too painful. but still. the trip to changi village was cooooool.

i didnt expect it to be so far lah! we even passed by changi airport. and that road there is so super dark and kj kept having cramps. i hope you're fine now. i think ing aching more than you are. HAHHA! but its okay. we all dod a great job! YAY! teamwork was so impt you know. we had to look out for each other :) heehee. went changi village, bought 6 cans of redbull (inwhichidrank2) saw weijian's sisters! HAHAH!, and came back. but truly enough, the scenery was good. was supposed to see the sunset after that, but apparently i was too much of a piggy and was far too lazy. so didnt manage to catch it :( but its okay. i know there willalways be some other times :) okayy. here are the photos of different impt ppl that contribute to a gold with honours co! :)

this is weijian. the super pro in liuqin. and huifang and yiling!!! :) just look at the number of bikes that are there. hahah!

bbq! and look at all the smoke man..

yipp! cheeeeeeeese!~

seniors! thou not all! HAHAH!

the food!the chicken wing was super nice! haha. but the fact is that. it was anyhow marinated.hahah! jlau, suyi, zhiwen just spammed the sauces and all and garlic in and just mixed. but its really very nice ehhhh. i think i ate ard 5 HAHHA! pig right.

this is zhiwen and ziyang! 08/09 president and vice! they v niceokay. treat deanna v well and always help me. yipp! THANKYOU BABY(s)!~

estelli! we can go look for shuai ge(s) tgt!! <3

miss suyi... my chamber mate for japan trip.. hahah!

ziyang makes my face look small. HAHAH!

majonged quite abit and daidi quite abit also. and i was total ownage! they called me du-hou. my goodness. yupp. and cos of my muscle aches, i decided to be a taitai. went to buy snacks and went back to chalet, sat on the floor, on the tv and started eating. sprawled on the floor also. very shufu. HAHAH! den the came back. played majong. went parkway parade to meet the others and bused home!

home sweet home!~

HAHAH! and joke of the day. on the way to chalet. estell flagged a cab and told the uncle. "uncle, wo yao qu chalet" rofl.

KOKONURT.

2009-06-07T23:30:00.006+08:00

poodle is the love. really. he is so cute! we went pasir ris park today.

it all started with me waking up at 12 and eating my kimchi noodles! HAHAH! despite the big bruise on my knee, went there at ard 5 plus tgt with yap and brian.yup yup (-oo-)

and there! was a coconut! it all started when we saw this uncle picking up this BIG coconut and shaking it. it just fell off the trees i guess. and the guys went bonkers tgt with meimei and went to play with the coconut. HAHAH! you wil soon witness their craziness it trying to open the coconut and eventually managing to open it and even breaking it, drinking its juice. my goodness. imagine i drank it too! HAHAH! it has need some time since i posted so many photos. but it'll be quite frequent i guess. today pasir ris, tmr east coast! YAY! HAHAH! so as usual... let the photos do the talking!

photo of darling poodle poo-ing! HAHAH! we got clear up after that okay! HAHAH!

this photo is not edited i swear!! the position; poodle's face; background and lighting all so perfect!

this, is the original coconut.

after some time and processing... ....

it became like that!!!!!!~ so incredible right. omgg. first time in my lifetime okay! HAHAH! they freaking peeled the COCONUT! okay. they whacked it against the floor quite alot of times.

and.. im drinking the juice.. (-00-''')

and this is what that has become of the big coconut. swear this is no joke!

okay. volleyball :)

yeppyepp. still got alot of photos! but i lazy to upload! HAHAH! very tired!

yay ecp tmr!

BHEYSSS!

feelings left untouched.

2009-06-07T14:37:00.003+08:00

concert ytd was okay. but i fell cos i was too busy looking into my phone. tripped over the steps and i fell. now theres a big bruise on my knee >.<>

very tired. bruise very pain. ouch.

can you walk holding my hand? i dont want this.

NICHOLAS NGERN

2009-06-06T01:08:00.002+08:00

he bully meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

although i alr freaking tired from everything that has happened today. i went service today btw! so proud of me huh :) yeah. tired. and here he comes telling me he is at club/bar. "you too young.. if not i bring you come drink and DANCE" omg. you know how desperate i am to dance alr. den he sill purposely say such stuff. hmph! dont like yoU!

"lunar.. going to my usual hangout at gotham"

crap. i wanto go. nvm. i'll be 18 after LTC! NN you wait! HAHAH!

cant believe it. but i actually told him i was going to bitch about him here. HAHHA! so i bet you will be reading this right! yes! you PIG! always go drink drink drink. fat alr luhh.

very tired. falling asleep. dont wanto care bout that I***** alr! bleh!

**sticks out tongue.

nights.

so hot. i like. i want.

2009-06-04T18:01:00.001+08:00

alone in the house. no deep thinking; no deep reading. all i did was to browse websites and tv shows. i had all the time in the world to get food, to get wool, to do anything and everything. but i chose to sit at home and do nothing. really nothing.

i wanto dance! someone pleaseeeeeee ask me go and dance. i am rotting -.-

pretty to the max. hot. i also want.

Approaching Each Day.

2009-06-03T13:03:00.005+08:00

i woke up early today; excited at all i get to do before the clock strikes midnight. my job is to choose what kind of day i am going to have:

today i can complain because the weather is rainyor i can be thankful that the grass is watered for free.

today i can feel sad that i dont have more money or i can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.

today i can grumble about my health or i can rejoice that i am alive.

today i can lament over all that my parents didnt give me when i was growing or i can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.

today i can cry because roses have thorns or i can celebrate that thorns have roses.

toady i can mourn my lack of friends or i can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new job relationships.

today i can whine because i have to go to work or i can shout for joy because i have a job to go to.

today i can complain because i have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with knge and adventure.

today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped, and here i am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping. what today will be like is up to me. and i shall decide what kind of day i shall have.

how shall i live tomorrow.

i got this from the booklet in LTC and i think its really very good. i liked the roses and thorns best :)

FAT FAT FAT

2009-06-01T01:24:00.001+08:00

IM EATING AGAIN. MACS DELIVERY.

os⋅te⋅o⋅po⋅ro⋅sis

2009-05-31T16:10:00.002+08:00

iwanttodance!

someone ask me go out with them please? someone ask me go dance lehh. its killing me. i feel like dancing. mass dance also can. HAHA! i need to start moving before i really get osteoporosis. played tennis that day during pe lessons and you know wad! my bones almost shattered due to all the backhands. so pleaseeeeee. i need to dance. desperately.

i cant seem to get myself to study. im so caught up with my warped/crazy/unsettling emotions. i need to chill. but the weather sucks. i wanna go facial again. im so boreddddddddddd! im going to die soon. okay. random.

dance please? :)

2009-05-31T14:33:00.010+08:00

i want to learn this dance. its so freaking nice! someone teach me please.. jolin will be my new dance idol! her moves are so sharp and to the point. i also want..

2009-05-30T21:01:00.002+08:00

like you said.. i cant choose. so wads the point! ARGH!

had LTC pre-camp today! was happy cos my group members are not bad after all! i had a fun time today. at first jodi and daphne thought i was a facil! cos i was wearing class t-shirt and apparently i had dyed hair :( my pe shirt washing and my hair has been like that wad. not my fault okayzz. dangzx. haha. sat beside me was jodi, the odac vice pres. and she's very nice. she was the first to talk to me! daphne too! judo cap. i hope she dont knee pop me! :D den there were other ppl that i alr knew. liwei, daniel and jian fan :) other than that.. were all new friends! YAY! and i met nic too! but too bad he's in another group. how i wished he was my facil. i wont be feeling so out of place than :( i literally jumped out of my seat when they introduced him as facils. im in weasley! and he's in hagrid (i think). AHHA. but its okay. he said he'll celebrate my bday for me. so at least i felt a little better. and i can always talk to him or find in camp right? yule ball also tgt wad. dont have to be depressed. HAHAH! actually im not depressed. cos i have great members! YAY! happy today!..

im now watching some tv programme that shows the sacrificial of animals. its quite gross but very educational. good for gp :) too bad gp paper is over alr. hahha.

and i need to go mug my maths. tmr's sunday. yay! i wanna go spotlight. get more wool so that i can knit during the hols. must prepare so many presents yeah! hahha! i wanto make another one for myself also. okay. time to pack the dinner table.

bheys!

its the beginning of everything.

2009-05-29T22:33:00.003+08:00

today gp was okay.
gena and eunice did the question on environment. daniel was like. shit. die. alvina was like. hahha. you're doomed. but i think they did okay. they always do okay anyway. i have faith.
i did the question. the rich must help the poor. and i thought i might have gone out of point. but i hope i dont. i tried to follow all the steps that mdmS told us to alr. mmhmm.

todays the last day of school for primary and secondary ppl. but its the start of real hell for me. so many things to do during the hols. and the worst thing is that, there's completely no holiday/tour this hols. when will i ever have the time to go out of town before the japan trip during chiristmas? but well.

im fully packed till idk when. im even supposed to go back to school tmr for LTC'09 pre camp. and im in weasley i think. i was in chang last year and yes. they didnt change the theme at all. its soooooo cliche. imagine the activities being yule ball, golden egg and stuff. i'll be bored to death man. luckily there are ppl that i know that ar in the same group as me. mm. daniel seoh! i was jumping for joy when i knew i was in the same group. its so scary to see all new faces you know. liwei's in my grp also. jianfan's also in my group. idk if he rmbs me. but i know he knows zs. but he's close to C. so most prob he wont have a good impression of me anyway. well. i'll take what when it comes. lol. all that is different would be the location. i've got a feeling this camp would not be as good as i thought it would be. i will die if there's no charger and my phone goes out of bat esp 4th is my bday! hate it man. im gonna celebrate my second bday consequtively in LTC. :( sad. but look on the brighter side, its a different bday afterall! and! i'll be having my chalet the weekend after that! i wanna invite all my friends! but i think must get veg food also! HAHAH!
mm. my darlings include. waffle gang and the 0836 peeps! [jasmine, ryna, clarissa, farzanah, zhen hao, daniel, yida] 0937 dears! [gena, eunce, xingyi, juliana, kaixin, sebastian, yuanjun and others!] secondary school friends! [kajia, germaine, corine, rebekah and others!] Co peeps! [cello section, ziyang, yongsiang, 09/10 exco and all!] and not forgetting. brian cheng, mr yap (yes! you are invited too!) and gang. HAHHA! i think i invited too many ppl alr. should be having bbq on the first night. but we can always have fun tgt at escape/www/pool in the afternoon!! i know we'll have so much fun tgt!

okay. but before all that, there are the midyears. there is the maths paper that i dread like crap. im so going to mug and pass my maths for the kooi kooi to see. he looks down on us being unable to do simple maths in his dictionary. but its so tough for us okay! but im so determined to pass! bless me pleaseeeeeee!

okay. im chewing on honey baked ham and it tastes so good!

bheysz!

RELIEVED.

2009-05-27T19:54:00.002+08:00

EXCO MEETING IS FINALLY OVER!
hahaha! i kept thinking bout the agenda for the meeting for these few days. now! its over. what i have to let the exco know is alr out and om feeling so very relieved! HAHAH! its just the followup that will have to take place from now on. but im sure my exco will do their very best.
there again, im very happy that im president of this very structured CCA who has a fixed and strong structure in the sense of the committee and that i have a group of committed people :) heard eunice gena and all talking about their CCA and how they have to do everything makes me feel so blessed. :)

ate cheese waffles and kimchi cup noodle.
had meeting. was really effective i guess. other than the fact that yongsiang kept side tracking and talking nonsense. HAHAHAH! :) i know that i would be able to work so well tgt with them.

ate soyabean oppo zhonghua.
and i realised sth really incredible. mmhmm. me, yuxin, adeline, andre, haoqi & cheechiang can ake the same bus home!!! and! me yuxin andre and haoqi can alight at the same stop! SO QIAO RIGHT! HAHAHAH! so happy. OOOOH.

reached home. bathed and now, im going out to eat again.
deanna is fat. deanna is going to syco concert. deanna is going to LTC'09. deanna is random :)

YOU CAN TALK.

2009-05-26T19:44:00.002+08:00

i just happened to browse through pictures and i saw this..

EARN YOUR RESPECT

2009-05-25T23:59:00.004+08:00

RESPECT IS ONLY GIVEN TO THOSE WHO DESERVE IT. and for those who don't, i don't give a damn.

excuse me? take a good look at yourself before you comment on anyone else. OH! andim giving you enough respect to a person like you by using the term 'please'. in actual fact, you think you deserve it? HAHA! you know it yourself. please stop looking into the mirror and telling yourself how great you are. cos your silly and arrogant mirror won't tell you how you are being condemned by everyone else outside.
if you cant respect someone who has given you your life, i see no meaning in your life anymore. and.. for that i really pity you :(
i didnt flame anyone just as yet cos of one simple reason. the person i respect most told me not to. dont make me do it. ungrateful child.

PROLIFERATION

2009-05-25T17:37:00.004+08:00

this is little eunice. take much notice of the adj used here :)

and this is the much referred to as retarded president of interact club president. GENA TAN LI XIN! hahhaha. swear i'll get slaughtered by her tmr. wahahhaha! AND OF COS. the unglam me as usual. my hair colour isnt really THAT obvious right? just that i cut bangs only mahh.. **tries to mak myself live in self-denial. HAHA!

okay. i blogged today cos that persons (yes persons!) up there made me level up their knitting club status. so yeah :)

im a happy child. at least i tried my best at the differenciation test. i managed to at least write somthing for each question. :D

mummy, you dont expect them to respect you. they dont even know how to respect their dad and and even themselves. pitiful.

GENERAL PAPER

2009-05-23T23:30:00.003+08:00

heehee. sebby dont scold me. i just post this for fun :D

ive finally finished the GP project on my own. its like 9 slides. but with lots of content. i almost died :( i think tonight will be a sleepless night again. every night before i sleep, i'll just think thru if there are anymore things to be clarified with laoshi on tuesday and other stuff to discuss during exco meeting on wed. HAHAH. so silly right. but it just comes naturally. dont scold me okay.

this morning woke up at i think 1 plus? ate lunch (mummy bought back) and went out for lessons. thank god i brought out my scarf for lessons. stella noticed an error and fixed it for me. thanks girl! :) went to downtown east to change my chalet date. i was supposed to have a chalet for my bday on the 3,4,5th of july. but freaking LTC is once again on my bday! i almost cried when i saw the day okay. so damn suay. 18th bday you know! never mind i guess.

i'll be going plaza sing early tmr. so it means that ive to finish all the work tonight. including the much dreaded maths! JIAYOU DEANNA! hahah. i know i can do it! :)

im feeling a little hungry now. geeez.

JINGJIA IS CRAZY

2009-05-22T16:45:00.003+08:00

mrs president. okay. thats what they call me now. but i really appreciate all the senior's help. they are so concerned that i cant cope and that i will feel too stressed. but dont worry darlings! I WILL DE SENIORS! :) i will do my best. heehee.

today went for class and stuff. and during lit lessons, everyone went crazy! HAHAH! the school's going to refurnish the lit room luhhh! this means that they are going to take away all the furniture, cushions and all :(

mm. regarding the japan trip. it has been postponed to end of year cos of the stupid swine flu. so anyway, we are going to have a christmas party at japan. it will be cold at that time! so it will be sooooo damn cool!

YAYNESS! but the only thing about it is that, by that time, i'll have to be in charge alr. its okay. i look forward to it still thou! :) so we'll be doing the servce learning thing this HOLs i guess. OH! and guess what! we are invited to perform at the SYF closing ceremony! other schools include HCI, TJ, DHS, NAS & NYJC!!!! US!! feel so honoured. so honoured to be the president of this OH-SO-FANTASTIC cca! :)

and we've new members for the knitting club! :) YAY!

:D i forgot wad else i wanted to say. i'll edit it again when i rmb again :)

2009-05-21T00:42:00.001+08:00

i cut my fringe. like finally.

RESPONSIBILITY

2009-05-20T19:49:00.005+08:00

"president? i am president of Gold W/Honours NY chinese orchestra?" the question that keeps floating in my mind over and over again. when everyone talked to me like they alr know what i am going to be, i should have seen this coming alr. but i didnt really think so much about it. but still, im really kept in the dark till that moment when they announced the results. okay.

thankyou for those who congratulated me. gabby, chunkiat, all the CO senoirs whom believed in me that i can do it and everyone else. but there again, taking up the post means what comes with it is more responsibility. both towards NYCO and myself. i am not just an individual anymore. i have no excuse to slack during CO practices to sit there and knit and act as if everything else is not my problem cos ultimately, its all gonna be my problems. its my responsibility and its worth it. the next hour after the announcement of the results, i was both in a state of shock and stress. but laoshi said."ni men bu yong stress, ying wei you wo." and i trust her :)

with my exco members (cheechiang, alina, rebecca, sebastian, adeline, andre, shi wee, jessica, yuxin, yongsiang) there are a few things that i want to achieve. as there would be a concert in my year, i really want NYCO to maintain the standard of GWH and not let other schools feel that we got this GWH by luck. and we must stay united like we are right now and maintain this family feeling within CO.
when i first entered CO, i told ZY. i really liked the feeling where we are like a family and we are not competitive. we are not politically driven and we all love CO. please please. we must keep this tradition going, keep the CO flame burning and keep the passion for music going. i really look forward to working with you guys to bring NYCO to higher heights. love you guys. rock on.

roles and responsibilities of a president in NYCO.
-to effectively and efficiently plan and carry out activities
-to oversee the progress of the orchestra (discipline/bonding/skills, etc)
-to brief and debrief and orchestra for every practice.
-to prepare agenda and chair exco meetings pertaining to upcoming events or new strategies to evenly distribute tasks to exco
-to represent NYCO as a figurehead
-to disseminate information from the conductor to the teachers in charge
-to disseminate information from the teachers in charge to the rest of the exco or members
-to update teachers in charge on changes or new plans (email/sms)
-to chair feedback/reflection session with exco/members after every event
-to double up as the stage/floor manager for every performance (draw seating plan, plan the sequence for the orchestra to go up/down stage)

so scary. im so scared im not able to do this.
i might not be the best in all ways but i'll always be trying my best in every other way.

-------

200TH SENTOSA.

2009-05-17T22:26:00.009+08:00

this is my 200th post on this blog and i went sentosa today. hahah. thats where the title of this post came from. :)
yesterday was mummy's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY! <3

woke up really early for napfa test. went down to dhoby to get materials formy shawl and picked meimei from NAFA. it rained like crap and i had to run all the way to 7-11 to get umbrella to prevent me and meimei from getting drenched like a chicken.
we went to eat at JUJU restaurant to eat after and it was really good. the food's nice and we were all very full although it was just a seven course meal. <3

meimei, mummy and me! <3

this is my biggest cousin from taiwan and her husband. :( i also want a husband. they so loving lor please.. >.<

after that, headed over to kbox to k all the way till 2 plus. reached home about 3 i think. super tired. and moreover, i woke up so early. tsk. but i guess its worth it. is it?:D

i hope you enjoyed your birthday mummy (:

went to sentosa today. was very very tired in the morning. but i still decided to go. is not nice to slack at home. HAHAH!

im very tired to say anything alr luhh. let the pictures speak. craziness, madness, disgustingness. its always better to see it for yourself. xP hahha!

siloso beach!

underwater world.

starfish!

retard face! i know..!

this is called the seaworms. i have freaking no idea why. its so cute!

this quite gross actually if you see the real thing. the embro is actually live and very very digusting cos its like all the intestines and stuff can be seen.

this is worse! octopus. tako. GROSS!

this is pretty. really pretty :) its some leafy seahorse. LOL.

jellyfich. it reminds me of the ones in sharktale. HAHHA!

and the shark hid his head under the rocks. i wonder why.

meimei, merlion and me.

mummy, merlion and me.

jiejie, merlion and me.

...

i just got home. tired.

lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove is in the air. i care.

NIGHTS.

Lets All Learn It Together!

2009-05-15T16:56:00.004+08:00

so cute right. this enxin's group's tv!

hereby, im announcing our 2 newest members of out knitting society as well as to report the status of each member. :D

linus and sebastian ang! :)

im featuring him as he is the newest member. linus [treasurer] up till this time, he has an experience of 3 hours and exp of approximately 30 knits. he will have to practice more before being able to start on his project. current level:1 (sits in the corner)

the next member that is tentatively going to join us next would be thomas tan whom has yet to start learning as far as im concerned now.

-
sebastian ang [secretary] has approximately 100 knits till now. and has 1 hour more of experience than linus, making him the second newest member of our society. he will be embarking on his new project next monday. level:3 (sits on the floor)

other members include: stephanie [vice chairperson]- 1 day experience. level: 5 (sits on the floor with cushion), eunice [vice-president]- quite a number if experience but has stopped for a very long time. level 18 (sits on a stool). jingjia [captain]- many years of experience but stopped in the middle. level: 35 (sits on a normal chair with back rest), deanna [chairman]- 1 month of experience but has done quite a number of projects alr. level: 40 (sits on the rocking chair), kaixin [president]- crazy experience. our grandmother and founder of the society. level: 70 ( sits on the sofa).

HAHAH! this is craziness. but if you are interested to learn to knit or alr know how to knit and want to join us, come find us okay!! HAHA! guys are allowed and its not gay for guys to know how to knit please. imagine your bf/husband knitting for you. sweetness to the max right.

okay. i know this is damn lame. but its for fun.

but we really sat in a circle to knit today in the lit room.

:) when you say nothing at all.

2009-05-13T22:35:00.002+08:00

yeah. here are some overdued photos from all over the place. so yeah.

this is our board of honour.
went up to the foyer to be given the honour of getting gold with honours. from up there, we were trying to find yongsiang who retarded didnt join us on stage. but at the same time, i saw some unhappy faces.but i guess we'll all have our own aspirations. i made the wrong choice. its all my fault. but i hope you're all happy fr me that i've found what truly still suits me the most.thankyou girls.

i simply adore carebears! (to the extend that i knitted a scarf for this little one)

yeah. went tampines 1 to watch movie and yeah. i think im being a kid. im in love with soft toys.

geez.

they are the love.

i'm tired

2009-05-12T23:19:00.005+08:00

i'm tired of telling you wad to do wad not to do.
-you do what you want to do and i wont care anymore. i think i have done enough. if you dont wanto help yourself den i wont know how to help you either. im endlessly trying to help you but i just get rejected all the time.
love is not about telling how much you love someone without the real actions. love is not about spamming i love yous to the person but instead show it in your actions. actions of love are not hugs and kisses. they are little things that show that you care for the person, you respect the person, you tries to make her few better by doing all the things that you know she wants to see in you; it maybe seeing you smile, seeing you being happy and enthusiatic about life, school and everything. it is not just about wad you say. wad you say might be impt but what you do is definitely gonna matter much more. love is not everything. it is purely a journey that leads us to more happiness. i wonder.

i'm tired of being the mother here.
-project is killing me. when you have wierd ppl going ard. im not trying to say that they are not nice ppl but the thing is. hey ppl, we need time and place to do the correct thing and have the correct attitude. like wad G said. its not being angry, we had pretty fun times too. but for today, its purely disappointing. its all gonna be over really soon. thursday final rehearsal with PK and den its the real thing on next thurs.

im tired of all the politics that are going on around me.
-classroom supposedly be the place where we make friends and learn tgt? why has it evolved into such a place where we go against each other. a place where unhappiness among each other soar. why is the devil taking control. where have all the angels gone to? i need a angel in my life.

im tired of listening to people hating each other, of me myself hating someone else.
discontentment leads to unhappiness and when others get more happiness from the source of discontentment, hatred grows. where have the love gone to? deanna. you were such a friendly person. what has the devil turned you into. my gosh.

i'm tired of giving all the time. maybe not all the time. but yeah. im empty now. everything's out and im not receiving enough to keep me going.

i dont wanna stand alone anymore. am i? the question of my existence keeps repeating. i am loved but i am dispensable. i guess that is how i am. and i cant even seem to blank out completely, even if i seriously want to. there are so many things that are going in my head even when i sleep.

how silly.

BACK TO SQUARE ONE

2009-05-08T18:04:00.005+08:00

yeep. this is me in co uniform. zhiwen took it from the other bus. so cool right! HAHAH!

these are some of the pics of our prac the day before syf. the last day that we bonded tgt with the same faith and determination of wad we want. thou the teachers always say that the result doesnt really matter. its that we have alr put on all our effort and made it thru tgt to the last day. we didnt give up. we went on stage and gave in our best. its the best that we could do. we really shone and we told the world wad we really are. the rumours out there arent wrong. we are really GOLD WITH HONOURS! :) saw from the CO blog that next wed we'll be having our celebration and the whole co will be going up to the stage to announce our pride and joy! YAYNESS! :) hahah.

today had interview. didnt know wad to do. so i just said my piece and how i felt about co truthfully. :) there's service tonight. i hope to find a place for myself there where i know im not judged and i can really find peace to reflect and have faith in. but im still very tired. physically and emotionally. it isnt that easy to get over some things so easily. i still feel this emptiness within me. it has always been there even things seem to be the same. even if everythings back to normal, i know it isnt. and its really bothering me. i wanna be a nun and live life in tranquility. i wonder for how long more i can keep my cool like right now before i blow up again.

tired. cried. tried.

family. schoolwork. chinese orchestra.

i cant seem to find a proper picture of myself smiling naturally and happily. at least not one that im happy with myself. its bothering me quite a bit. and im wondering why.

theres so much work to do cos we've been missing lessons due to co pracs and rehearsals. now i eed to catch up with my work. its really piling up. deanna jiayou! focus on your studies. im sure you can do it like how CO managed to get Gold With Honours!

--bye--

ITS NOT JUST GOLD; ITS HONOURS.

2009-05-06T22:47:00.002+08:00

after 2 consecutive years of gettting gold in zhco, my dream came true when they announced. "team 6, Nanyang Junior College, Gold... With Honours". and we all burst out in flames of joy and pride. we cheered and cheered, cried and cried all the way back even to school.

on the way, many words of thanks and xin ku le were heard and said by many ppl to many ppl. this syf has not only made us better and more skillful in our instrument, it really bonded co tgt. it felt like we were a big family and everyone is equally impt. tthis family feeling will never be found in competitive ccas. really. and the fact that we really took care of each other and helped one another really touched me. and i strongly feel that it is indeed this strong bond and strong determination and goal that has brought us this far. gold with honours is no easy job. like ive told someone this before. i've no idea how we did it. but we still did it, together. how we did it doesnt matter anymore, but what we had learnt and gain from it is far more impt. for me, ive gained friendship, learntleadership skills (even thou i wasnt a leader in the first place, i still learnt. cos i believe you dont need a position to lead and to help :D )

omgg. there are so many ppl to thank. mm.
cello/bass section (thou there's only me in bass): you guys really rock my socks. although i always pick out points that you all didnt do well, you all know that i mean well okay. we did an awesome job today and im so so so proud of our section :)
laoshis/leaders: without the laoshi's and zhiwen/pohzy/weijian's encouragement, we wouldnt even have the determination to continue enduring all the crap from ding. so really thankyou for being the emotional suppot for us :) (at least for me cos everytime i receive encouraging msges, i feel so motivated)

and lastly . obviously, NYCO! N-Y-CO-- yeah! we made it! its not a dream too far as long as we dream of the same thing together. thankyou NYCO. without NYCO, i wouldnt have been able to acheive GOLD WITH HONOURS!

GOLD WITH HONOURS! love you guys man! :)

ITS TOMORROW OR NEVER

2009-05-05T19:06:00.002+08:00

TOMORROW IS THE DAY THAT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
AFTER ALL THAT WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH (scoldings ans scoldings, suans by dingy) its all worth it. although we still dont know how we will do tmr, we know we have made it thru up to this point. and we all deserve credit for every effort and all that we've been thru. :)

sometimes its really frustrating to see how some people can completely ignore the fact that they are really lagging behind and pulling everyone down! its really really very sngry for me to see ppl like that still being able to hun in it. very angry. but nvm. its okay. just as long as it doesnt affect the entire co. but there again. its not fair if these ppl get the credit if we really get GOH! hahah. but its okay. we are a family.

im ranting alr. didnt had enough sleep as i was doiing lots of stuff the night before and preparing stuff. co ended late too. so yeah. HAHHA! im talking nonsense alr. okay. bye.

im beginning to love NYCO :)

distance

2009-05-01T00:05:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASMINE.
ITS YOUR BDAY YTD AND I'LL PASS YOU YOUR PRESSIE SOON! :)

CO IS STRESSING ME LIKE CRAP. TIRED PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY.
GOLD WITH HONOURS. JIAYOU!

why is it im feeling that im drifting from them. is it true that when i gain some, i must lose some? i dont wanna gain and i dont wanna lose den. cos the feeling of losing it hurts much more than getting what you never know was coming. i dont want.

THE DAYS ARE DRAWING NEAR

2009-04-22T21:56:00.005+08:00

ITS INTENSED CO PRACTISING NOW.
AND ALOT OF TIME HAS BEEN SPENT IN SCHOOL PLAYING THAT BIG INSTRUMENT AND GETTING MY HAND ALL SORED AND BLISTERED. IS IT ALL WORTH WHILE? I DONT KNOW EHH. ITS REALLY TAKING UP ALOT OF TIME AND TAKING UP ALOT OF ENERGY. TIRED AND ALL. IS IT ALL WORTHWHILE?
TODAY ZHONGHUA CO WENT FOR THEIR SYF. WENT BACK THAT DAY AND I REALISED THAT THEY WEREN'T AS GOOD AS I THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE. BUT I STILL HOPED THEY COULD HELP US TO ACCOMPLISH OUR HOPE OF GETTING GOLD WITH HONOURS. BUT WELL, IN THE END, THEY GOT GOLD. JOB WELL DONE ANYWAY. YOU GUYS DID YOUR BEST ALR. MM.
NOW THAT WE'VE COME SO FAR.. THERE'S REALLY NTH MUCH TO FALL BACK ON ANYMORE. I HAVE TO CHIONG. THAT ALL I CAN DO. EVEN ITS VERY TOUGH AND TIRING, AND ALL THE BLISTERS HURT TIME AFTER TIME, EVEN MY HAND SHIVERS WHEN WRITING AFTER PRACTICE, I HAVE TO DO IT. CAME THUS FAR. MAYBE MUSIC, CO IS MY WAY OF LIFE INSTEAD OF TENNIS I GUESS. MAYBE I NEVER BELONGED TO THE SPORTS KIND. HAIS. NOW THAT IM IN CO, I FIND THAT IM APPRECIATED, I FIND THAT IM MORE COMFORTABLE HERE. I KNOW I'M IN THE RIGHT PLACE NOW. I SHALL DO MY BEST IN THIS SYF. IM THE BASS SOLOIST YOU KNOW! HAHA!
SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO DEPEND ON OURSELVES TO ACHIEVE OUR GOALS. MUST DEPEND ON MYSELF TO GET GOLD WITH HONORS MYSELF. NANYANG CO MUST JIAYOU. THERE;S SO MUCH I CAN DO. BUT I THINK IF I CAN SETTLE MYSELF AND CELLO SECTION, IM CLOSER TO MY GOAL ALR. THIS IS NOT JUST MY PERSONAL BUT GOALS OF ALOT OF PPL AS WELL. MUST JIAYOU!
-
WELL TMR IS A FATEFUL DATE FOR ME. BUT I WILL NOT BE AFFECTED BY IT. 2 YEARS AGO WE WERE COUPLE. I YEAR AGO, I WAS CRYING FOR YOU TO BE BACK. AND THIS YEAR, WE ARE CLEARLY IN OUR OWN WAYS WITH OUR OWN LOVES. AND THAT, TO ME IS STH CONSOLING I GUESS. AT LEAST I'M HAPPIER NOW. I HAVE SOMEONE TO LEAN ON. I HAVE SOMEBODY TO DEPEND ON. I DONT HAVE TO TRY STAND ON MY OWN, I DONT HAVE TO FALL ALONE. I DONT HAVE TO FEAR BEING ALONE ANYMORE. FOR A MOMENT LIKE THIS.. I GUESS THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST TIME EVER. I'VE GOT OVER YOU AND IM NEVER GOING TO FEAR THE COLD NIGHT LIKE I USED TO ANYMORE.
-
NOW, ALL I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE IS TO GET MY STUDIES RIGHT, BALANCE IT UP PROPERLY WITH SFY, JAPAN TRIP, FAMILY, FRIENDS AND EMOTIONS. IM FEELING POSITIVE NOW. YES. HAPPY ME. I HAVE A GOAL AND I KNOW HOW TO GET IT ACCOMPLISHED. YES.
OH DID I SAY? I'LL BE GOING TO JAPAN KYUSHU FOR JAPAN TRIP WITH CO DURING THE JUNE HOLS. SO YUPP. HAPPY HAPPY. NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE. EXCITED. VERY EXCITED (:
-
I KNOW IM RAMBLING AND SEEM LIKE NONSENSE. I JUST SIMPLY TYPE OUT HOW I FEEL. SO IT MIGHT NOT MAKE MUCH SENSE. ITS OKAY. HAHAH. I'M NONSENSE AND CRAZY ALWAYS ANYWAY.
NOW NOW NOW DEANNA DEANNA DEANNA YOU NEED TO GO DO YOUR HISTORY.
-
BYEBYE.

my love will get you home.

2009-04-16T15:54:00.003+08:00

photos.

there econs test tmr. i need to start.

im tired.

PHOTATOES.

2009-04-11T02:24:00.004+08:00

yeahh. here are the rest of the photos. actually just another 5 of them. but yeah. and EUNICE LIM YC! you left your white hairband at my house. you meant it when you say you'll leave sth in my house. LOL!

yeah. i look scary. but i was so tired. so pardon my eyes.

i was trying to touch up. and you see! this proves that i'm doing work okay. who say i slack slack slack one.

deanna in the working; gena in the looking. =.= lol.

:D after all, this is still the fav flag. uber cool.

yes. this is the tombstone that i was talking about. cool yeah!?

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word,

You can light up the dark

Try as I mayI could never explain what I hear when

You don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know tat you need me

There's a truth in our eyes saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall

You say it best

When you say nothing at all..

i really do mean it :D

deanna is a happy kid. ive all the reason to smile.

2009-04-10T17:46:00.004+08:00

we did project today! and it was really sucessful thou we went crazy most of the time. maybe only gena went crazy. so its okay haha!. we did quite alot of work. but i forg0t to take the tombstone!!! its nice. we rock.

family flaggies!

i got too bored and started taking photos. LOL!

china. patrick flag!? haha.

north korea.! and my toe i think. HAHA! lol.

south korea.!

U.S.A!

and in the making. HAHA!

okay. im currently feeling tired. awww.

will upload more photos when i get them from eunice or siva's blog.

BYE!

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL

2009-04-09T00:59:00.004+08:00

winnie the pool! **points at yuanjun**

i really love carebears to the core. they are so freaking sute luh. plus there are like 20plus designs. so cool please? **hints hints** my bday soon. 4th july.lol. i like the biggest pink one. uber cute!~

photos from eons ago.

but wadever. ive big eyes. :)

nights.

DEPRESSED

2009-04-02T17:51:00.003+08:00

went home feeling rather depressed today.
got back history and econs assignment. results aint good but at least there's sth bout each that i con be consoled about. for history there were ppl who got As and Bs but alot more got Us and Ss (like how i use to be last year). but i got E (which is better than alot alot more ppl in my class alr). im not happy with this result. and econs: i got like wad 18/32 when i should get 32/32 according to mrs roy. i just didnt add in the equilibrium price curve. it costs me 2 marks per graph. wad the?!?!? i lost 14 marks just based on that. so sad. but the only thing that made me feel better was the comment that mrs roy wrote on the top of my paper. "WELL ANALYSED. VERY IMPRESSIVE" but still, im so xintong to my 14 marks. :(

anyway, i've got a study rival now. i need to study.

impossible to find.

2009-03-30T22:54:00.006+08:00

yesturday was fine.
brian cheng had his dragonboat matches. so as usual we will go down and see him race cos he said he'll win medals. he really did anyway. won sliver for tiertiary and plate gold for mixed. in another words, they obviously trashed NY which claimed to have burnt their whole weekend. HAHAHA! the conclusion as to why they could win was that RP didnt have so much to study compared. thats true! but MR500 didnt really end well. it ended with a heavy pour and not all the matches managed to finish in time. but well. good job guys! *even if NY didnt win, i could tell that they have surely improved alot. so do keep up the good work! :D

after that went to buy groceries and went home to eat bbq! YAY! it was my perfectt suggestion yupp. ate and drank like 2 cups of volka (forgetting that i have school the next day =.=) slept like pig. HAHAH!

today is a good day.
although i scared mummy out of her wits by waking up at 730 and telling her meimei had school at 740 when both of them are still sleeping. HAHA!. i rescued you okayy! mm. den i went back to sleep till ike 8? den i went school with a hangover! HAHAH! and took 2 photos with yuanjun that i concluded that ive very big eyes. HAHAH! but still, felt tired the whole day. after emoing at maths, went home. slept till like 8 den woke up den eat din din. HHAHHA! i manageed to sleep alot. thats why its called a good day.

i just realised that there's literature assignment 3 to be done on thursday. literature work load really alot luhh. its like 2 subjects instead of 1 cos there are 2 teachers teaching at the same time instead of one. so which means work also X2. so stressful. i managed to complete maths and i seriously understood every single question okayy. HAHAH! all thanks man! to the saviour. HAHHA!. there's econs test that is coming up on week 5 on demand and supply. i must own that test! thats my target luhh. but its always the other way round. but i'll just try my best and study thou. mm. oh talking about literature. im here to report my results. for assignment 1, i didnt really do very well. got like 32/50. but it has to be converted to over 30. so its like ard 19.2? the second assignment i got 17/25? its supposed to be converted to over 20. so its.. 13.2. assignment 3 has not been done yet. so 19.2+13.2=31.4/50 which is 62.8 which is like C going to be B! comeon man. lit is easy to pass hard to score. im gonna maintain this throughout man. i hope. HAHAH! happy happy. but now there's assignment 3. and peter kellet took super long to give back our test paper. he was like the first to give test but the last to return it back to us. i think he's slacking. idk. i just got a feeling. we ask him qns he just like fuyan us or sth. and thats not very encouraging. so me and gena (i hope she rmbs) are going to write an essay first den ask him to help us mark. if he dunwan den we're just gonna beg mr sequiera to help us. :D

there's co tmr at like wad 6-8? so i guess i'm going to spend the break time doing that essay. i alr finished like my econs one alr. so yeah. im gonna prepare for the gp one tmr and also richard test on wednesday. so stress. i was talking to ryna that day. and i told her, i spend maybe ard 5-6 hours each day extra to study on my own and she was like OMGGGGGGGGGG. huh. i think cos of the ideology bahh. retain alr den must make full use of the year. correct? HAHAH!. so which means im more chiong than the j2s which is a good sign for me and a very bad sign for them. im keeping up well with school work and staying slightly advanced of the others except for maths. i really cant do maths. wow. but i shall still try. im on talking terms with log and ln alr anyway. HAHA!

mummy' s out to buy macs. im going to continue researching before she comes back and distracts me with food. HAHAH!

i need to get a life soon. i cant have flowers as my best friend!

CAROL ANN DUFFY LOVES ORANGES

2009-03-26T02:16:00.003+08:00

i've been losing sleep for no reason. came home today tired. but now, im very very awake when im supposed to sleep. i've no idea wads up with my life. i got a feeling that im chionging too much of my work that it stresses me far to much. but.. i dunno. if i dont study now, when? i gotta change the teacher's impression of me of the "not studying kid". i am determined to study and do well okay. rmb the running shoe logic? hahah! at least i do rmb it myself. but oh well, its once again for me to prove it.

things have been fine these days. im going through school life well and copping up with my work and im constantly trying to keep the lead (that retainees are supposed to have over studies). it tough, cos when everyone else has time to digress, ive to continue studying. but its okay. 4As! ive managed to convince myself that getting 4As are not really impossible after having spend 3 years in jc. have to make the extra year worthwhile you see.

i wanted to read coral ann since i cant sleep. but i cant tell wad she is trying to write in her poems! so ive to go online to check. yupp. so im here, ending up blogging and playing texas on facebook. oh anyway. i lost ard 60000 chips in 1 day and now im earning it back slowly. mm. ive got ard 28000 now? thats so pathetic but nvm. better than nth. texas has been the best companion so far i guess. it patience, strategy and somthing else. i dont know wad. well. at least i dont lose real money. its in chips and i can get 2000 free chips everyday that i log in to play. so its really alright to lose sometimes. while waiting for opponents to think and bid, ive time to think also. not just about poker, but also other things. and one thing that ive came to a conclusion is that...

i realise i shouldnt look so much into my heart. follow the mind. listen to the heart. listen, but judge from the mind and at the very end, take the decision of the mind. only by constantly doing this, will a be able to manage family, friends, chinese orchestra, studies, unreasonable teachers and peers sometimes. daddy is perhaps corret. move a step back and you'll really see more of the sky. sometimes being so stubborn gets you no where. last year, i insisted that i can study and play hard at the same time. i suffered. well. i got punished for my willfulness. i can talk to my friends more about school work other than gossips. it is still able to keep us connected. i can talk to my family with more patience and less quarrels will occur. and they'll be more understanding to my need to spend lots of time in school and on studies. i can tolerate and forgive the unreasonable to make myself happier, and lighter without the burdens of others. its all within a decision.

now as i look back. it all seemed like a dream.
and this wasnt a very bad nor very good dream so far. i loved some parts of this dream but dreaded others. but this part of life and growing up isnt it? mummy always say that im far from growing up. it think so. but im trying. i may take a longer time to realise it and to grow. but eventually i know i will. i will!

we will have to go through hard times to enjoy the fruits.
now.. i only want to do well in mid years (at least "C" in all subjects) and for CO to do well. though i only joined this year, i stil want to do well. because i put in effort and i saw the efforts that were put in from others as well. gold with honours. its a dream. but dreams do come true. and we know we deserve it.

just like how a rainbow will form after a heavy downpour and how the sky is always darkest before dawn, i know my good days are coming. i just know it.

.awaits.

nostalgic.

2009-03-21T17:51:00.002+08:00

looking back at whythis blog started.
it wad because i miss someone and hi's departure from my world was simply too hard for me to take it alone. i never understood how impt it was till then it was to express how we really feel. now as i read all those posts, those mold memories come back. and i've no idea how to handle them.
its so hard to say goodbye. even after 1 year.

sometimes we put up walls not to keep others away, but to see who cares enough to break them down. who shall?

time and time again this happens. when ever am i able to get out of this entirely? when will i be able to leave your world completely? when will you completely leave me alone? ><>

its time to say goodbye.

with sheer determination.

to look into my future.

darling.

2009-03-21T16:37:00.001+08:00

just look at how cute my poodle can get. he's playing with a balloon anyway. :D

dahh holls.

2009-03-21T00:01:00.002+08:00

i was doing work almost the whole day. if was counted to be a whole day. 1 plus to 7 plus.

woke up at 9 plus slept back. 12 plus slept back and finally woke up at 1 plus. went downstairs for lunch. after that i wento embark on my work. like lit gp econs and all. wanted to mug maths but couldnt cause i need a tutor. ><>

after that i went to download some notes for richard. ive decided to make him my best friend. this is the only way i can do well for him. HAHAH! mm. i finished reading the notes and also finished reading oranges are not the only fruits. but i still have no idea why are they not the only fruits. but yah.. i dont know. i need some explanations.

for all i know. it was time to go fo tang alr. so yeah. went. bored. bored. bored.

home sweet home.

I NEVER WANTED TO LOSE YOU

2009-03-19T13:51:00.003+08:00

i saw this at sebastian's blog and i thought it would be fun trying it out. so yeah. :D

im supposed to think of 21 random names ans ans the qns that follow.
1)kai jia
2)gena
3) sebastian
4) yuan jun
5) germanine
6) eunice
7) jasmine
8) ryna
9) zhen hao
10) yida
11) daniel
12) clarissa
13) brian
14)joseph
15) farzanah
16) en xin
17) thomas
18)stacy
19) kai jie
20) chun kiat
21) yee en

-how did you meet 7 ?
(jasmine) j1 last year in NYJC. we were in the same class.
-What would you do if you and 15 had never met?
(farzanah) i would have 1 good friend less to do corny stuff with me.
-What would you do if 20 and 1 dated?
chun kiat & kaijia) i would die laughing.! HAHAH!
-Have you ever seen 17 cry?
(thomas) NO. i think its gonna be awkward to see him cry . lol
-Would 4 and 16 make a good couple?
(yuan jun & enxin) HAHAH! they make a good couple. im sure! :D
-Do you want to be 13's friend forever?
(brian) i dont mind at all. my god brother anyway!
-Do you think 11 is attractive?
(daniel) maybe. in his own way i guess.
-What's 5's favorite color?
(germaine) red i think. if i didnt rmb wrongly.
-When was the last time you talked to 9?
(zhen hao) ytd? after co and he was having council camp.
-What language does 8 speak?
(ryna) english and abit of chinese.
-Who is 13 going out with?
(brian) i dont know! there are so many of them! XD
-What grade is 16 in?
(en xin) j1 this year :D
-Would you ever date 17?
(thomas) i dont think so?
-Where does 18 live?
(stacy) woodlands i guess.
-What is the best thing about 4?
(yuan jun) she's an awesome friend that is very loyal.
-What would you like to tell 10 right now?
(yida) stop flirting ard so much!
-What is the best thing about 20?
(chun kiat) he is a very nice person who is very kind :D
-Have you ever kissed 2?
(gena) ive tried i guess. but i didnt succeed OOPS!
-What's the best memory you have of 5?
(germaine) she is getting prettier by the day.
-When's the next time you're going to see 4?
(yuan jun) tmr? i think she's coming to see poodle tmr.
-How is 7 different from 6?
(jasmine & yuanjun) jasmine plays alot and eunice doesnt?
-Is 2 pretty?
(gena) yes. in her own ways. pretty in the inside. im serious.
-What was your first impression of 15!
(farzanah) a very sporting person.:D
-How did you meet 3?
(sebastian) in CO first den in the same class this year. <3
-Is 15 your best friend?
(farzanah) good friends maybe.
-Do you hate 12?
(clarissa) no! obviously not!
-Have you seen 18 in the last month?
(stacy) yes. almost everyday in school. in fact i just saw her ytd.
-When was the last time you saw 16?
(eunice) last friday i think..
-Have you been to 5's house?
(germaine) YES. :D
-When's the next time you'l see 10?
(yida) when school reopens next monday maybe?
-Are you close to 11?
(danial) oh wow. he;s my sister and im his brother :D
-Have you been to the movies with 4?
(yuan jun) yeah. slumpdog milionaire. tgt with 0937 as well. :D
-Have you gotten in trouble with 8?
(ryna) nope. but we've gotten into trouble tgt before.
-Would you hug 19?
(kai jie) maybe. if we get gold with honors for co this year. :D
-When have you lied to 3?
(sebastian) now at this moment, telling him im fine when im not?
-Is 11 good at socializing?
(daniel) yes. he's best at that man. HAHAHAH!
-Do you know a secret about 8?
(ryna) i dont know ehhh..
-Describe the relationship between 12 and 18.
( clarissa & stacy) no relationship. both: pretty.
-What's the best thing about your friendship with 9?
(zhen hao) he's like an elder brother. always taking care of me :D thank you darling!
-What's the worst thing about 6?
(eunice) when she goes crazy there;s nth we can do to stop her.
-Have you ever had a crush on 12?
(clarissa) err no. but i always have this feeling that she's a wonderful friend.
-How long have you known 2?
(gena) less than 2 months?
-Have you ever been in a fight with 13?
(brian) yes. a very horrible one. HAHAHAHAH!
-Does 11 have a bf/gf?
(daniel) oops! NO!.
-Have you ever wanted to punch 1 in the face?
(kaijia) maybe? HAHAH! no lahh.
-Has 21 met your mother?
(yee en) yes! she's my best buddy!
-How did you meet 11?
(daniel) same as jasmine? last year when we were enrolled into the same class.
-Did you ever accidentally physically hurt 3?
(sebastian) errm. YES. accidentally and on purpose. HAHA.
-Do you live close to 7?
(jasmine) NO! she stays in the east. and im like stuck in serangoon. HAHA
-What is 8's favorite food?
(ryna) frolicks maybe? im not so sure. cant really rmb.
-What kind of car does 1 have?
(kaijia) a bicycle? HAHAHAH! i dont know.
-Have you traveled anywhere with 9?
(zhen hao) i dont think so. just ard singapore maybe.
-If you gave 14 $100, what would he/she spend it on?
(joseph) he'll most likely save it. idk. he wants to buy alot of stuff.

okayy. im finally done. i almost died trying to do all the questions. HAHAHAHAHAH!.

flowers; my best friend

2009-03-15T00:44:00.003+08:00

there's a hidden meaning as to why my blog title is such. but im not allowed to say it :D
went co today superrrrrrr early. you know why. and im super tired alr..
but i came to know about the story of the hello kitty lunch box, the flowers and had lots of laughter with the bubble tea :D sounds wierd. but you know what i mean uhhh. :) hahah!
-
went badminton with everyone else and i decided to pretend to be emo. and take emo photos. HAHA!

my mum's car died on her and we had to wait for rescue. waited and went home.

so now,

home sweet home.

im gonna sleep. break camp soon. nights.

THE ONE

2009-03-14T00:16:00.002+08:00

IM HERE TO PROUDLY ANNOUCE THAT GENA TAN LIXIN AND HER FRIEND WON THE 'THE ONE'!
IM SUPER PROUD OF YOU MAN. ANITA TOO. NOWI THINK MY CLASS ROCKS. EVERYINE IS SO TALENTED.

HERE ARE THE PLANS FOR 'THE ONE 2010'
WE CAN HAVE TO LEAD SINGERS: ANITA & GENA.
FOR THE BAND, SEBASTIAN CAN PLAY THE DRUM, GABRIEL CAN PLAY THE KEYBOARD, HAOQI, XINGYI AND OTHERS WHO CAN PLAY THE GUITAR CAN PLAY THE GUITAR. AND THE REST OF THE CLASS CAN CHEER! THIS IS SO COOL LUH. EVERYONE IS SO TALENTED PLEASE..

IM SORRY GENA AND ANNIE.. DIDNT MAKE IT TO SEE YOU. BUT YOU DID A GOOD JOB. ANITA YOU DID A GOOD JOB TOO! YOU GIRLS MAKE ME FEEL SO PROUD OF YOU AND THE CLASS! LOVE YA BABES!

YAY! 0937.

UNDERGOING RETARDATION

2009-03-12T17:10:00.004+08:00

it felt like i was undergoing retardation these days. my mind keeps going backwards and im having such a hard time pushing it towards the future. talked to many ppl and realised that everyone has moved on. but was kinda happy actually.

today in school was crap. though did not have many lessons, it was pure boring. during assembly, i got high on invisible drugs and started harassing everyone and apparently, they all feaked out. but right after that, i got so sleepy in history that he has to pinch me to keep me awake. (maybe cos i slept at 4 last morning). after that came econs. its so hard to concentrate and we ended up writing song lyrics. but i still understood wad mrs roy was trying to teach. ive gone through it once alr afterall. i was really sleepy but had to do the decorations for the classroom. so had no choice, went to the next classroom. and like ard 330? another class came and we had to leave. -.- so sad. completed the whole thing and went walkwalk with him ard the school. felt so much better. and he sent me home. thats it. HAHA! :D

now im so tired. but i just uploaded the photos from my phone. it has been 3295923405213430198496 years ago since i uploaded photos.

clam ocean. thats wad my name means and thats wad i should be. but now i need a shoulder. .im tired.

tmr will be the day. idk if it really is. but i hope everything will be fine. jiayou.

winter. autumn. summer. spring.

all of them at the same time. i need to rest.

NO MORE GREY ZONE

2009-03-10T18:07:00.002+08:00

I USED TO THINK THIS WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL LIKE THAT.
BUT WADEVER THE CASE.
-
NOW ITS TIME TO DRAW A CLEAR LINE.
ITS JUST BLACK AND WHITE AND NO MORE GRAY ZONES.

SANITY OR INSANITY

2009-03-10T00:02:00.003+08:00

i think of you

2009-03-09T17:42:00.005+08:00

I miss you babe

girl i know i been busy didn't get to talk

but don't let your head play them games with your heart

its been a little crazy doing what i do

but i just cant wait to get home with you

i know its been hard me not being there

baby i don't want you thinking that i don't really care

and i know that your feeling like i'm being unfair

but your love is with me everywhere

when i dream i think of you

breath i think of you

all day i think of you

give all my love to you my baby woo

swear its true all

i do is think of you

when i pray i think of you

far away i think of you

all day i think of you

my heart belongs to you my baby woo

yes its true all

i do is think of you

always say i love you before i go to sleep

if i die before i'm awake then i take your love with me

every second i'm away from you feels like misery

cuz i know where i really want to be

i know its been hard me not being there

baby i don't want you thinking that i don't really care

and i know that your feeling like i'm being unfair

but your love is with me everywhere

what do you do when you love someone so much

you'll do almost anything just for one touch

trying to make an excuse just to get away

that's the way i feel about you baby when i leave

do you know what i go through

it makes me cry every time cuz i miss you

and i hope you feel the same way to cause all

this song is so touching. you should go catch it. taj jackson.

INSPIRED

2009-03-09T01:21:00.003+08:00

BEING INSPIRED TO BLOG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT MIGHT NOT BE A VERY GOOD THING TO DO.

I JUST WENT ON FACEBOOK TO PLAY TEXAS AND I LOST LIKE 6000CHIPS? WHICH BROUGHT ME BACK TO SQURE ONE. DISCOVERED THAT I WILL JUST LOSE EVERYTHING IF I KEPT ON PLAYING. SO I DECIDED TO FACEBOOK HOP. TO MY SURPRISE, ALOT OF MY PRIMARY SCHOOL MATES ARE ARD! SO OBVIOUSLY I WENT TO TALK TO THEM. I MEAN WRITE ON THEIR WALLS. MUST REPLY ME OKAY. MISS YOU GUYS.

AND I REALISED, ALOT OF MY FRIENDS BECAME SO SO SO SO SO SO SO PRETTY! OMG! REBEKAH IS FREAKING PRETTY NOW I SWEAR. NOT JUST PRETTY BUT HOT. HMMS. THE OTHERS TOO. GERMAINE FOO! YOU BETTER START ASKING ME OUT! YAPKAIJIA STOP CALLING ME BITCH! YOU'RE ALL JUST GETTING PRETTIER BY THE DAY. I SERIOUSLY MEAN IT OKAY! HMM. WHO ELSE. OH I RMBED. CHEWPIN ALSO. BUT I DONT HINK SHE'LL FIND HER WAY HERE. BUT SHE'S SO CUTE NOW. STILL GO ALOT ALOT ALOT I SWEAR. BUT AS USUAL, IM LAZY.

EVERYONE SO PRETTY.AND IM LIKE STUCK HERE LOOKING LIKE A PRIMARY SCHOOL KID. OHMY.

IM GOING TO SLEEP. THIS SO DEPRESSING. AND OHYAH! IM GETTING FATTER BY THE DAY! IDK WHY. BUT I DONT CARE ANYWAY. WHEN I GET FAT, I'LL HAVE THE EXCUSE TO RE-DO/ RE-STICK MY CABINET :)

NIGHTS.

WHEN YOU WISH UPON A RAINBOW..

2009-03-05T01:40:00.001+08:00

....DREAMS COME TRUE...

ohNINEthreeSEVEN

2009-03-03T19:12:00.001+08:00

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE :D

RAINBOW

2009-03-03T00:33:00.002+08:00

I SAW THE RAINBOW LIKE FINALLY TODAY AFTER WATCHING SLUMDAG MILLIONAIRE WITH MY CLASS.
THE SHOW WAS AWESOME AND THE RAINBOW TOO.
DID I NOT GO WITH THE CLASS TO WATCH THAT MOVIE, I'D HAVE MISSED THIS RAINBOW TOO!

SO IM HAPPY TODAY.

I AM.

NO DENIAL. BEING HAPPY COS I CHOOSE TO BE.

RAINBOWS. I WONDER IF PPL MAKE WISHES UNDER RAINBOWS LIKE I DID TODAY.
I FELT LIKE A RETARD, BUT IVE GOT A FEELING,
WHEN YOU WISH UPON A RAINBOW, YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE.

I'LL POST THE PICTURES OF THE OH SO AWESOME RAINBOW WHEN MY DREAMS COME TRUE.
MAY THE RAINBOW BLESS ALL ARD MEWITH HEALTH AND WEALTH. AND TO MY J2 DARLINGS. WORK HARD. DON'T GIVE UP. IM NOT GIVING UP. SO CAN'T YOU. FAITH WILL BRING YOU THROUGH. IT WILL BRING ME THROUGH.

I'LL POST OTHER PHOTOS OF 0937 AND ME SOME OTHER TIME. :D

GOONIGHTS.

heading down to where it started

2009-02-26T00:17:00.004+08:00

i was just telling kj.
im so sick of school.
i know i need to do well, but im just so tired of it!
i didnt see the rainbow that was supposed to be utterly awesome. does this mean anything?
i guess i was in school till that time?

i dont know
it has always been like that.
so get on with life no matter how bored, tired or frustrated you are with it.

you cant change how things are going to be like for you. so, change yourself
im trying.

EAST COAST

2009-02-22T22:56:00.005+08:00

IVE NOT BEEN SMILING SO HAPPILY FOR A LONG LONG TIME.

MY OH SO CUTE LITTLE DARLING POODLE.

IM BURIED!

HAPPY FAMILY.

GOODNIGHTS.

HIM

2009-02-19T16:12:00.005+08:00

EDITED./

IM HAPPY NOW.

why do you want to something that you know will never bring you any returns?

why do you want to put in effort in something which you alr know has no ends?

why do i keep doing stupid things and keep having faith in things i knew right from the start would lead me wrong?

what is wrong with me.

deanna you gotta stop letting your heart lead you.

deanna you gotta start believing in yourself.

deanna you gotta stop relying on that someone.

deanna you gotta stop placing hopes on things you will never get.

deanna.

STOP CRYING.

STOP HURTING YOURSELF.

2009-02-18T22:34:00.001+08:00

"STOP LETTING YOUR HEART LEAD THE WAY. IT GOES DOWNHILL."

THANKYOU 0937

2009-02-17T16:14:00.004+08:00

I REALISED THAT IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, OR SOME PEOPLE, YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW IF YOU ONE DAY MIGHT REGRET NOT LETTING THAT PERSON OR THOSE PPL KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM. AND BY THEN, ITS ALL TOO LATE.

I NEVER SAW HOW IMPT WAS IT TO TELL MY PREVIOUS CLASS HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE THEM FOR ACCEPTING AND PUTTING UP WITH MY NONSENSE FOR THE WHOLE YEAR. AND WHEN I REALISED THAT I HAD TO BE RETAINED AND NOT BE WITH THEM ANYMORE, I REGRET NOT TELLING THEM THANKYOU EVERY TIME THEY DID ME A FAVOUR. AND NOW, I AM GOING TO SAY THANKYOU NO MATTER HOW SMALL THE MATTER MAY BE.

THANKYOU 0836 FOR EVERYTHING THAT IVE BEEN ACCEPTING AND TAKEN GRANTED FOR THE WHOLE OF LAST YEAR. 0836, YOU ARE AN AWESOME CLASS AND I'LL PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU TO DO WELL IN THE COMING NATIONAL EXAMINATIONS. GOOD LUCK. BLESSES WITH LOTS OF LOVE RIGHT FROM THE HEART.

THANKYOU 0937 FOR ACCEPTING ME INTO THE CLASS. ITS NOT EASY TREATING A RETAINEE AS A NEW CLASSMATE. I KNOW. BUT REALLY THANK YOU GUYS ALOT AND I REALLY HAD LOTS OF FUN DURING THE ORIENTATION TGT. BUT FROM NOW ON, WE MUST ALL WORK HARD TGT. PLEASE REMIND ME THAT I NEED TO WHEN I START TO SLACK OKAY? I NEED THAT MOTIVATION. AND I PROMISE I'LL GIVE YOU GUYS ALL THE HELP, SUPPORT THAT YOU NEED IN ANY ASPECT THAT I CAN BE OF HELP TO.

I GUESS THIS REALISATION IS NOT TOO LATE.

BECAUSE YOU CARED, IT HAS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

STAND THERE AND BE FAT.

2009-02-16T18:30:00.003+08:00

XINGYI HELPED ME TO BRAID MY HAIR AND ITS SO NICE! I WANTO LEARN ALSO. PLUS SHE BRAIDED IT AT MY HIGHLIGHTS! SO NICE. AND THANKYOU SEBASTIAN FOR TELLING ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN THAT MY HAIR IS NICE, AND NOT MESSY AND EVEN TOOK A PHOTO OF IT. THANKS YA (: <3

AND BECAUSE HE SAID OKAYY, HERE ARE THE PHOTOS OF THE PRESENT! (:

I'D RATHER BE HAPPY & BE SATISFIED WITH WAD I HAVE FOR THIS VALENTINES. AND BOY, YOU MADE MY DAY.

FILLED WITH LOVE TODAY :D

DIFFERENT VALENTINES

2009-02-15T02:18:00.003+08:00

WENT PLAY POOL LAST NIGHT AFTER FO TANG.

AND...

THIS VALENTINES WAS WAY DIFFERENT FROM LAST YEAR'S BUT I THINK I CAN BE AS HAPPY. COS I CHOOSE TO. I EMOED FOR AWHILE IN THE AFTERNOON COS I SIMPLY CANT ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THIS YEAR, HE IS NO LONGER WITH ME AND IM ALL ALONE THIS YEAR. BUT WAS BETTER AFTER TALKING TO SEBASTIAN. I REPEAT AGAIN, ITS A VERY NICE GUY WHOM GAVE ME A FREAKING SWEET CARD AND A LETTER 'D' HANDPHONE STRAP. AND NOT THE OTHER DISGUSTING ONE. I'LL POST THE PHOTOS OF THE PRESENTS IF HE SAY I CAN AS WELL AS THE POEM. YES, I READ YOUR BLOG AND I KNOW EXACTLY WAD YOU MEAN :) CAN I POST PHOTOS OF YOUR PRESENTS? HAHA :D

WENT TO WATCH MOVIE, WHICH BORED ME TO SLEEP AND WENT TO EAT.

OKAYY. GOODNIGHT.

WORK HARD 0836, HELLO 0937

2009-02-13T00:08:00.002+08:00

DISCO NIGHT WAS DAMN HIGH. THOUGH WAS BANNED FOR COMPETITION, I DANCED LIKE CRAP. SO! YEAH! IM HAPPY. AND SEBASTIAN, NOT THE DISGUSTING ONE. ANOTHER ONE FROM MY CLASS. SAW THIS ON HIS BLOG. WENT TO DO. QUITE ACCURATE THOUGH.

"I WONDER IF YOU KNOW
WHY WE GLORIA ARE SO PRO
WHEN YOU SEE US AND YOU MEET US
DEN YOU KNOW WHY WE SO PRO
WHY SO PRO AHH
PRO PRO PRO PRO"

OKAY. THIS IS THE RESULT. IM A SEVEN.

Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous.

Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents,

becoming over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined.

They constantly seek new and exciting experiences,

but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go.

They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness.

At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals,

becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled

Enneagram Seven with a Six-Wing: "The Entertainer"
Enneagram Seven with an Eight-Wing: "The Realist"

Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness,

to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, t

o keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.

I THINK ITS QUITE ACCURATE. REALLY WAD.

OKAY. I HAVCE A FUN CT.

AND IT WASNT AS BAD AS I THOUGHT.

JOB WELL DONE MUSTAFA! DANCING KING EH! THANK ME MAN! HHAHA!

WE ROCK. AND ROCK ON!

LOVES.

I FOUND SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS HOW I FEEL. BUT WE'LL ALL BE STRONG. RIGHT?

HAHAH.

GOODNIGHT MY LOVES AND DARLINGS!

YOU CAN CHOOSE HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.

2009-02-10T21:04:00.007+08:00

HERE ARE THE PHOTOS FROM THE DIFFRENT OCCASIONS DURING THIS CHINESE NEW YEAR THAT I OWED EVERYONE FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME! (:

FAMILY GATHERING CUM GAMBLING SESSION WITH MY BIG FAMILY! :D

STEAMBOAT AT MY PLACE WITH MUMMY'S FRIENDS! (:

STEAMBOAT AT AUNTIE MIKO'S PLACE! :D

LION DANCE AT MY PLACE!! :D

the mess left after the lion dance left! hahah (:

GOOD NIGHTS FOLKS.

EARN YOUR RESPECT

2009-02-09T00:42:00.007+08:00

MY FISH! I CAUGHT IT AND FOUGHT IT MYSELF! (:

WENT FISHING TODAY.

WAS PISSED QUITE TODAY IN TE MORNING. BUT AS A MATTER OF FACTLY THAT I CAUGHT A FISH WITHOUT SOMEONE THERE. I FELT SO HAPPY ALR (:

TMR'S ORIENTATION. GOOD LUCK DEANNA. HAHA (:

I STILL YET TO UPDATE THE PHOTOS FOR YTD'S FAMILY GATHERING. WOW. HAD FUN.

NIGHTS (: